War
by Eve of Ambar
Summary: BAus A war started, vampires won, men kind lost, leaving the slayer face her worst nightmare; Angelus.Chapters 14 UPDATED!
1. Prologue and Chapter 1

**Title**: War

**Author**: Eve Of Ambar

**Email**: evedarkchild@hotmail.com

**Rating**: R

**Pairing**: B/Au, B/S

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. BTVS & ANGEL belongs to Joss and bunch of others that I really don't remember. The song 'You can't kill me' by Mojo Nixon 

**Distribution**: Sure, just let me know.

**Spoilers**: Buffy Season 1-7, Angel season 1-4. (I used spoilers for Angel season 4)

**Summary**: A war started, vampires won, men kind lost, leaving the slayer face her worst nightmare; Angelus.

**Warning**: Although this story **is not** rated NC 17 you can find here: bad language, major character death, mentions of rape and abuse, sexual innuendos. This is angst people, totally, completely, and utterly. You've been warned! (Although most of the chapters will be the same as the show, so basically if you're old enough to watch Buffy season 6 then I guess you can read this :-)))

**Feedback**: YES, Please Yes, I live by them.

**Author's note**: My mother tongue isn't English so please no flames.

**Dedication**: Thank you to Sigma for beta this fic for me:-)

Darryl J (User ID 186629 "Family Ties", you've been my dear inspiration for writing this fic

**Prologue**

_You can't kill me_

_I will not die_

_Not now not ever_

_No never_

_I'm gonna live a long, long time_

_My soul raves on forever _

_Time has come_

_We will not wait_

_We storm the gates at dawn_

_Busting out of here_

_Into the world_

_Sing our victory song_

_You can't kill me_

_I will not die_

_I stand alone_

_Out on the road_

_I know flesh will rot_

_But the renegade and crazy free_

_Will not forgot_

_You can't kill me_

_I will not die_

_Not now not ever_

_No never_

_I'm gonna live a long, long time_

_My soul raves on forever_

It was war. No one wanted it, but it still happened; no one wanted to use such hard word that picutred so much destruction and demolition, but it was war.

Trying to release Angelus in order to catch a certain demon was the first mistake made by the team of Angel Investigations. Gunn suggested they bring out Angelus, catching the demon, and bring back Angel. They considered all the options, and it seemed the best. After all, they had lots of Orbs of Tesula to summon his soul back, all the necessary ingredients for the spell. Nothing could go wrong, but it did.

The one mistake that they never imagined changed everything and brought hell to the human kind.

The new Angelus was different: he didn't go after that demon or try to kill his friends or even go after the Slayer. He had more important things to do first. He changed the curse so that the demon was permenant. Once that task was complete, he killed the demon he had been called forth to destroy, but he didn't stop there.

He killed Cordelia and Fred, not wasting time in torturing them or even feeding from them. To him, they were mere distractions.

He made Gunn and Lilah his childre and took over Wolfram and Hart. In only a month, he had very quietly and carefully gathered an army, planning for his future.

The army gathered all around the world, waiting for their Master. Angelus managed to bring together all the orders, creating a new union for all vampirekind. After three months, he had already killed all the members of the Council of Watchers, wiping out their families and friends until there was no one left alive...except one, but he would be dealt with later. The Council was now history, completely extenguished. There was no one remaining from this fine legacy,and even The Powers That Be disappeared. A new Slayer will never rise again.

Angelus entered to Sunnydale with his army and loyal childre. Easely, he took control of this hell-town, cleansing it of its human infestation. The Slayer called Buffy fought hard, as did her friends, but they all lost. Angelus was too powerful. By keeping the demon permanent, he had become the strongest vampire to ever walked the planet; he wasn't merely the Scourge of Europe...now he was the Scourge of All Mankind.

All the humans were locked in guarded camps, with some being used as food, and the rest becoming minions.

The Slayer fought hard, trying to save as many as possible, but she failed. Even her friends soon died. She was shocked to find out how different was this Angelus: he didn't care about tormenting her or her friends; he simply killed all of them...Willow, Anya, Xander, Giles, Dawn...and even Spike. She had been saved for last. By then, she didn't have a will to fight. What was the point? By the time they realized what Angelus was doing, it was too late. Mankind was lost; the council was dead...a new era had arisen, and men had lost the war without the slightest chance of fighting back. Angelus brought hell to earth, creating chaos and mingling dimensions. A new slayer wouldn't even be called after her death. It was the end, and all she could think about was dying. Maybe this time she could be with her friends and family...maybe Angel will be there. Maybe she wouldn't be called back.

She didn't fight with Angelus. She simply embraced death, welcoming its release. She was surprised to notice that Angelus didn't care, wasn't the least bit angry with her for not trying to fight him. Buffy just stood still, waiting for him to snap her neck, waiting for peace.

It never happened. Angelus didn't snap her neck or even try to turn her. Of course, the second wasn't likely. After all, it was he who told her that a slayer could never be properly turned: she would keep her soul forever and probably be even more deadly. No demon wanted that. She sighed,"Why don't you kill me? I want to die. So come on...do it!" 

He just smiled,"I knew you would. But you are mine. You're my wife, consort, soul mate...I'll never let you go. 

He made her immortal, not of the vampiric kind though. Since he ruled the world, humans and demons alike, he could get what he wanted.

He took Buffy with him to L.A where his new family awaited him. Gunn and Lilah were lovers, although she preferred Angelus. She could not have him though. The entire world knew Angelus desired only the Slayer. No one dared to touch or hurt her. She was their Queen even as Angelus was their Master and King.

As the days passed by, Buffy stayed in the house most of the time, Angelus having forbidden her to leave it without him. If she disobeyed him, he would lock her in their room for days or do even worse. At first she was very stubborn, trying to defeat him. When that didn't work, she tried different ways of forgetting, of leaving this hell world, of leaving him. Several times she tried to kill herself. One day, he found her on the bathroom floor. Her skin was pale and she looked like she was sleeping, her long golden hair sprawled around her face, except for the blood that trickled from her wrist. He took her, gathering her slim form to his strong embrace, cleaned her up, and put her in their huge bed. She woke up the next day, feeling as if nothing happened, although she found herself restrained to their bad with chains.

As much as she wished for it, death never came. Sometimes, those in the mansion heard screams of agony coming from their bedroom; all the minions and childre could hear. Lilah used to stand still, listening to Buffy's cries and moans as Angelus had his way with her. The things he did to her…and the things he made her do. She knew that sometimes Buffy craved his touch and even enjoyed it. But, only when it was dark, and she blocked her memory could she forget and enjoy him. Most of the time she refused him, so he took her by force. Her screams of agony...her pleadings...could have broken the hardest human heart, but there wasn't any human left for Angelus to care. Instead he delighted in it. Buffy was all alone, left for eternity with her demon lover...husband...soul mate. 

A year later, she tried to use a spell to kill herself by making herself mortal again. Angelus caught her before she could suceed, and his growls of anger and possessiveness were heard for miles; both demons and humans shuddered at its power.

"I want to die!" Buffy screamed, pounding on him as if he was nothing but a rag doll, "You made me crave pain, I…I was never like that, I was…innocent" she whispered the last word so softly that even vampiric hearing barely heard. She looked at him, but his face remained calm and cold. She shoved him away in disgust. "You made me your whore" she spat at him, warm tears streaming from her hazel eyes down to her golden soft checks. 

He slapped her, and she lost her balance, almost toppling from the force of his blow. He dragged her fighting, frightened body through the house, throwing her on their bed.

"You are mine!!!" he screamed at her, he tore her clothes, leaving scratches on her golden skin. "YOU ARE NOT MY WHORE. YOU ARE MY WIFE, MY MATE!!!!!"

Buffy knelt her head in submission, wrapping her arms around her naked form. "What is the use of trying anyway? I feel like dying each time…the memories…the screams…my friends…watching them die…it never stops…" her voice rose into a scream and she covered her ears with her hands, rocking her back and forth, mumbling.

Angelus took his clothes off and joined her in their bed. He held her firm, bringing her close to him. He soothed her with comforting words, stroking her golden hair, planting butterfly kisses oh her neck, whispering in her ear."Shush, my beautiful Buffy, you will get used to this love, I promise."

She leaned her head onto his broad chest, closing her eyes in defeat. There was no choice but to let him have his way with her as he whispered comforting words to her in Gaellic. When she drifted off to sleep, she could almost pretend that she was back with her Angel again. At the dark, when she didn't see his cold, lust-filled gaze, she could pretend it was him as she smelled him and felt his cold body beside her.

In the morning, when the memories returned, she refused him. She refused even to touch him, locking herself in their bathroom. He could have broken the door to get to her, but decided against it. 

Buffy heard him leave, locking their bedroom door behind him. Locking her from the rest of the world again. Tears streamed down her face, as she sank to the floor in despair and emptiness, sobbing.

Five years passed by, although Buffy had stopped counting the days, weeks, or even the months, for that matter. She had forgotten all of the human holidays. Nothing was important anymore. Vampires had their own ceremonies and celebrations, which she never attended. Well, aside from her marriage to Angelus. Angelus was content to leave her alone when he attended the parties. 

It was a cold November night when she decided to walk the gardens by herself. Angelus still wouldn't allow her to travel alone, but he let her buy clothes and whatever her heart desired, as long as she was accompanied by Lilah. Angelus was very generous with his money: expensive designer's clothes, fancy cars, and a vampiress named Charlotte to do Buffy's hair and beauty care. Angelus thought that his little wife would be happy to indulge herself in such things and he also wanted her pretty all the time. He never allowed her to neglect her appearance and beauty.

But Buffy wasn't interested in those things anymore. She continued to look glamourous and pretty, her striking beauty catching everyone's attention, but only Angelus and his family knew how much she hated all of them...and how much she was broken. The spark in her eyes had died when she lost everything; she was just a shell of her former self, a shadow of a human. Lilah tried to be as friendly with her as the vampiress could while obeying Angelus' instructions to guard her with her life.

As Buffy walked in the gardens, she listened to the far-off music, to the laughter and fireworks. The vampires were celebrating the Tetra feast. She couldn't care less about who this Tetra was, and so she was left alone in the huge mansion. Of course, Angelus kept guards surrounding the house to make sure she wouldn't try to escape and to keep unwelcome intruders out of the house. Angelus wasn't fooling himself. He knew that, despite being a king, he had enemies everywhere who were just waiting for an opportunity to kill him and take his Slayer. Every once in a while, someone tried. Sometimes it was a single demon; other times, it was a group. No one ever succeeded. Anyone who came near Buffy was defeated by her slayers powers. She didn't do it for Angelus, and he knew that. She did it because she didn't know what would happen to her if someone else took her. She couldn't imagine much worse, but she knew that some demons were rather...inventive.

The fireworks seethed and the music continued. Buffy sighed heavily, walking through the maze Angelus had built especially for her. A soft wind stroked her face, sending a shiver through her spine. Then she felt it: someone was behind her.

She turned around slowly, surprised to see a demon standing in front of her. _How did he pass the guards?_

As he approached to attack her, she didn't waste any time puzzling over it. She marched from the shadows and took her slayer stance, waiting for his attack, but he just looked at her, confused.

"How? I…it can't be…you are not…I found you!"

"Huh?" Buffy lifted an eyebrow, "What the hell are you mumbling about? Can't I just kill you and get it over with?" She drew back a fist to punch him, but he asked her to stop.

"What? You don't want to fight? What's wrong? YOU NOT IN THE MOOD?" she mocked, putting her hands on her waist.

"Who are you?" the demon finally asked.

"Me? I'm just a gal from …" she stopped, tears came to her eyes. It had been a long time since anyone had really talked to her and she didn't know what to reply. She wasn't the same Buffy anymore. She wasn't witty at all, she just fought and killed when it was necessary and existed for the rest of the time. 

The demon was still waiting for her answer. She looked at him, frowning as she thought she recognized something. He looked like many demons she killed before: wrinkle face, horns coming from his head, big fat body and a stink like hell, but still something was familiar about him...but also off, as if he wasn't from here at all.

"Who are you?" she asked him, surprising herself with the fear in her voice.

"I am Gommlok, the worrier of Shadlock. Are you the Slayer?"

"I…I…" she bowed her head in defeat, "...not anymore."

He looked disappointed. "Then, who are you NOW?"

"I…I am…how did you get here? If Angelus will find you, he…"

"Angelus? Who is Angelus?"

"You're kidding, right?" she said, deadly serious until a realization hit her, "You're not from this world…you're from another dimension."

He looked at his surroundings, "Where is this place?" 

"L.A"

"It can't be…" Everything looked so different here: the lights, the far-distant houses, even the former Slayer who stood in front of him, contemplating what to do with him.

"I am not from another dimension. I must kill the slayer, and, last time I checked, it was you. I don't understand...one minute I'm in Sunnydale, the next I'm here."

"Sunnydale…What!?! Sunnydale doesn't exist anymore! Is this some kind of cruel joke or something?"

"It exists, Slayer. Just a second ago, we were fighting: Me, your red-headed friend, and this blond vampire."

"No…" she mumbled, her eyes become glassy with tears, "that's impossible. Willow and Spike…they died five years ago…"

"I just fought with them, " the demon insisted.

"I don't understand…" she continued speaking to herself. But if it was true, and this demon wasn't from this world, then maybe he could kill her! He wouldn't fear Angelus. Everyone here knew what Angelus would do to anyone who touched his Slayer, but she didn't care what she was setting him up for. After all, he was a demon.

"Kill me." she commanded.

"What?" he frowned, "just like that? You will die without a fight?"

"Yes." She extended her hands to the sides showing him she had no weapons.

He stared at her for a second, then shrugged, and reached forward to snap her neck. She closed her eyes, feeling his enormous hands coming towards her, but he never touched her. She was suddenly dizzy and opened her eyes. She was staring into her best friend's face. Willow was alive!

Willow turned from her, looking at the Shadlock demon as she voiced a spell to vanquish him. The demon disappeared, his screams cut short. Willow rushed to her and hugged her. "Buffy, thank God you're ok!! Spike and I were looking everywhere for you!"

Buffy looked confused, not believing what stood in front of her. "Willow…" she whispered as she fell to the floor, blackness surrounding her.

To be continue 

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1. Prologue 2. chapter 2 3. chapter 3 4. chapter 4 5. chapter 5 6. chapter 6 7. chapter 7 8. Chapter 8 9. chapter 9 10. chapter 10 11. chapter 11 


	2. chapter 2

Chapter 2

Author's not: time line for Buffy is after the events of "Beneath you", months after. (I used spoilers from Buffy 7 and Angel 4)

Beta by **Sigma**

Willow and Spike carried Buffy to her bed, tucking her in carefully. Willow then motioned Spike to follow her outside.

"What…?"

"Not here, Spike." She whispered, "Downstairs."

He took last glance at her sleeping form before reluctantly following Willow to the kitchen.

"O.K, Red, an explanation will be good at this point. What the hell just happened here!?! First thing I remember is we're fighting this demon with Buffy and Anya...where the hell is she anyway?...and the next the Slayer's gone and you're trying to bring her back...and then...then I don't know exactly what happened."

Willow looked scared "I…I don't know what happened, either. Well, I do know that we were fighting and all, Buffy hit him real hard…the demon, I mean...and he was really pissed off at her. I think she said something about 'ugly demons always in her life,' then some vampires came and you, me, and Anya fought them…then Buffy said something about her lousy future and lack of it anyway…oh my God!" she gasped.

Spike jumped to his feet, shaking her lightly, "Hey, Red, snap out of it! What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I remember…Buffy…she made a wish…she…she said…'I wish I could kick your sorry ass to the future, that will put me in rest for five years'."

"Huh? What kind of wish is that?"

"Gee, Spike, I don't know. Why don't we ask Buffy? Oh, wait, we can't because she's GONE!"

"O.k., enough sarcasm for one LONG night. So…she made a wish and Anya made her wish come true, but I still don't understand what happened here."

"I do…she probably sent Buffy to the future or something…with that demon…and when she realized her mistake, she brought them back…only the real Buffy returned older. Is that making any sense?"

Spike nodded his head, "No."

"Oh."

"Look, Red, even if what you're saying is true, which I seriously doubt, why does this Buffy look..."

"...different?"

He nodded.

"I don't know. We should call the rest of the Scoobies, and try to figure that out before this Buffy wakes up."

An hour later everyone was there.

"So..." Xander was the first to speak, "what's the big hurry, guys? And where's Buffy?"

Anya sighed heavily, "You would expect her to be here, you know."

Willow looked at her, furious, "I haven't even started with you yet!!"

"What?! What did I do?"

"Well, how about granting Buffy's wish changing her?"

Giles cleared his throat, confused, "Ah…Willow, why don't you start from the beginning by telling us what exactly happened."

Willow and Spike told them, as much as they remembered, what happened with Anya inserting an occasional remark.

Xander was stunned at his ex-fiancée, "You can't just grant wishes every time someone uses the word!"

"Yes, I can. It's my job description."

"Then quit."

"What? I can't just quit! Are you nuts? There are benefits and lots of money…I like money."

"I can't believe you." He mumbled.

"Well me neither, Xander. You know, instead of being all judgmental, you could have been more supportive. This is why we broke up in the first place."

"No An…we broke up because you slept with Spike."

"Hey!" Spike complained, everyone looked at him, "It was just once."

Anya put her hands on her hips, "Well, Buffy did, too."

"Good thing I'm not Angel." Spike snorted.

"Guys" shouted Dawn, "That doesn't matter right now. What matters is…what Buffy did we get?…and how do you know she's not our Buffy?"

Willow looked at Dawn comfortingly, "I know she's not our Buffy, Dawnie...She's just...Spike?"

"She's right, L'il Bit. This Buffy…well, for starters, her hair is very long…the clothes she was wearing…she looked all glamourous and...just different."

"I still don't understand. Where's our Buffy then?"

Suddenly, the door opened and Buffy marched in. Her hair was a mess, her clothes were partly torn, and she had a huge scratch on her face.

Everyone stared at her, shocked and relieved.

"What? I know I don't exactly look like the Jennifer Anniston gal here, but I don't look that bad do I?...Guys?"

Dawn grabbed her in a huge hug, and was quickly joined by Willow, Xander, and Giles.

Buffy gasped, "Ah…guys…needing the air here."

"Sorry" mumbled Giles. They let her go, and then she noticed Spike and Anya.

"Well, look who's here. Anya…the wish thingy you did totally didn't work...I found myself in a dumpster not far from here." She sighed, taking a piece of dirty paper out of her hair. "What? Spike, no witty comments?" She frowned at them."And...why are you all here in the house...my house...having a meeting without me? Not that you can't meet without me, but I thought you guys cared..."

"We...we care...we very care." Willow jumped in,"Right?"

"Yeah" Xander answered quickly, "totally into the caring, Buff."

"You are here," stated Anya, matter-of-factly.

Buffy looked at her oddly, "Why won't I be here? It's my house."

"Is it? Then who is the Buffy sleeping in your room?"

"What?" Buffy frowned. "What Buffy?"

She raced upstairs, too fast for the others to catch her. Flinging open her bedroom door, she gasped, staring at the petite blond curled up in her bed.

To be continued.

Please, please review!!!


	3. chapter 3

Thank you so much for **Sigma** for beta this fic for me :-)

Chapter 3-

Buffy walked nervously to the bed, glancing at the blond sleeping there. She turned to the others, whispering harshly,"Who put her in my bed and why?"

"Spike and I did." Willow answered, "Buffy, we couldn't just leave her like that on the ground. It would have felt like...like we were deserting you...she looks so much like you, and maybe she is you."

"No," Buffy moved away from the girl, denying the obvious,"she isn't me! Don't you think I would know if …well, if I were her?"

She stared at Giles, almost daring him to have an answer.

"I know!" Xander suddenly said, waving his hand at Spike, who merely lifted an eyebrow in surprise, "I know what happened! Spike must have built another Buffy-bot!"

Everyone turned to face Spike. "What?!" he almost shouted, "I bloody well did not! Besides, why would I need a bloody bot when I can get the real…ouch, Slayer, that hurt! Why is it always the bloody nose?"

"Hello? Where is everyone?" someone was shouting from downstairs, someone who sounded very familiar.

Buffy spun around to the direction of the voice coming from the first floor. _No way. There is no way it could be..._

"Angel?" she whispered, unbelieving. 

Spike stared at her, hearing the yearning in her voice and wishing she felt that way about him.

"Oh, my God!" gasped Willow, "I totally forgot! Angel! I...we called him, Giles and I, because we sensed something bad was about to happen, involving Angel."

"So you called him HERE? NOW?" Buffy sounded pissed off. "And you didn't even think to tell me!?!"

"Hi..."

Everyone turned to see Angel standing at the top of the stairs. Buffy's heart seemed to skip a beat. He looked amazing; his black button shirt was open just enough to expose a peek his broad chest, as he smiled, almost shyly.

"H-hi...Angel." she managed to whisper.

"Sorry to drop by unannounced, but Willow told me it was emergency. I thought that...wait, why is everyone in your room?"

"Long story," she sighed, "Willow and Spike found this girl while they were fighting some demon, and they brought her here."

"Why to your room?"

"See? He agrees with me!"

Giles cleared his throat.

"All right." muttered Buffy, "They also say she looks like me, but I don't think. Besides, Spike said he didn't built another Buffy-bot."

Angel frowned,"A Buffy-what?"

"Buffy-bot." volunteered Anya "Spike built it last summer, so he can have sex with her."

"What?!" he growled at Spike, looking ready to rip his throat out.

Buffy stepped between the two as Spike snarled back.

"But he didn't build another, Angel. This girl...she's not a robot. We have to find out what happened here."

He backed down and glared at Spike, "I'll deal with you later."

"Huh, " snorted Spike,"Peaches here thinks he's still the landlord. How pathetic..."

Angel tensed up again until Buffy hit Spike on the face.

"Shut up Spike, enough was enough. Just...go"

"And leave you with him? Not in your life, luv."

"That's it, boy!" growled Angel, "I am going to dust you!"

But, before he could move a muscle, they heard a soft cry coming from the sleeping girl. The group spun toward her as Willow stepped forward.

The girl lifted herself up, staring back at them. She reached out and touch Willow's face. Willow was surprised, but she didn't object.

"It's you...it can't be..." the girl said, tears were in her eyes, "No, it's a trick! He always tricks me...he made me see you...you can't..."

As she brought her hand away from Willow's face, something glittered in her hand. To their surprise, both Buffy and Angel saw it looked almost like Buffy's claddagh ring, just slightly different. It was made of white gold and it had sparkling diamonds in it. Buffy and Angel exchanged worried looks.

Willow smiled at the frightened girl,"I'm alive, Buffy. Why would you think something had happened to me?"

The tears were falling on her checks now, her hazel eyes looked hunted and broken as she continue to deny, "NO…you are not here, it's a trick...he is playing with me again..." she pushed Willow away from her, trying to stand up,"I don't understand this...it's not real...GO AWAY!" she screamed at Willow who frowned, looking at the others for help.

As the girl tried to balance herself, everyone saw how different she really was. Her hair was long, golden locks falling to her waist; she looked as glamourous and perfect as if she had stepped out of a fashion magazine, but her eyes told another story. They were hollow, no spark in them; they were hunted, afraid. They didn't burn with the Slayer's fire and life.

Buffy could barely stand to look at her. What could have happened to that girl to make her such a shadow? Maybe in her world, she wasn't a Slayer.

"Buffy..." Willow tried to approach her, holding out a hand. The girl hesitantly took it, staring at her hand when she found that the contact was very real.

Suddenly she seemed realized that she wasn't alone. She struggled to get away from Willow, losing her balance. Angel grabbed her to keep her upright. She turned around to see this new person. When she caught sight of him, she screamed.

"No...get away from me!!!" she struggled to free herself, the frighten, horrified look on her face chilled the room. Angel frowned, confused, but he didn't let her go. Instead, he tried to comfort her, and Buffy felt a tingle in her heart watching her Angel with this girl.

The girl suddenly became limp as she leaned onto him, tears streams on her golden checks, "Please, Angelus, please...don't hurt me. I'll be good, I promise...I won't speak of my friends again...please don't hurt me...I won't run...please...please!"

Angel shushed her, and gently lead her downstairs, the others quickly following. He put the crying girl on the couch, gently removing strands of hair from her wet face. She sobbed quietly and finely calmed down enough to take in where she was. It wasn't an illusion, she was back here...back in Sunnydale...in her old house. Everyone was there. And...Angel! It was Angel, not him!"

"Angel?" she whispered, not wanting to believe it was possible as she gently stroked his cold face.

"Yes, it's me." He caught her hand as it moved quickly from his face.

"Where am I?" She whispered.

Willow set next to her, "You're in Sunnydale. Where...where did you think you were?"

"I...I thought..." She bowed her head, her lips trembling, "I thought I was at the mansion...that's Angelus' and my home...I thought he was back from the Tetra festive."

Everyone exchanged confused looks. 

Angel tried to make her talk, "Angelus...you live with him?"

"Y-yes...he is my husband...I..." _No_, she thought, _I can't tell them anything else. He might find me here; he's probably sent his soldiers to find me._

She looked at Angel pleading,"Please, don't let Angelus find me...he'll be mad that...that I ran away..he'll take me back to our room...lock the door..just the two of us..." she covered her ears with her hands, sobbing and rocking herself back and forth. Angel hugged her, as did Willow.

"Willow!" The girl reached for her, "I missed you so much. I was all alone...I wanted you to be there...I needed your help and...and...now you are here. Please don't make me go back...please..."

Dawn watched the girl cried -- no, she watched as her sister cried. A single tear slipped down her cheek.

They all waited quietly until the girl's sobs had diminished and finally disappeared completely.

An hour later, she was relaxed and contemplating her future. She realized now that she wasn't in her world anymore. Angelus wasn't here, but Angel was and so were all her friends and family...her family...she looked at Dawn, her sister. She was so lovely with her purple t- shirt and shy smile. She wanted to hug her but was afraid of scaring her. She had to tell them all something...She saw the other Buffy looking at her, confused and troubled. She sighed. The drama performance she had given earlier had shaken her double, to say the least. She had forgotten what it was like to be strong and confident...she envied her...how she remained calm and Slayer-like while the others couldn't suppress their fears. She used to be like that...a long, long time ago.

Now she began to think about the demon, realizing that it was all too familiar to her. She had to ask.

"What..." she stopped and faced Buffy for the first time, "Buffy..." it was strange talking to herself, "What was the biggest event we...you are having here?"

Buffy lifted her brows in surprise. What a weird question to ask. She looked at the others, "Um, well...I..we were fighting the bird demon."

"Buord," corrected Giles.

"Right," blushed Buffy, "we were fighting him."

"What kind of a demon was he?" the girl thought about the name and almost smiled when she remembered making the same mistake as Buffy.

"He's got big horns..."

Anya interrupted, "Oh, and we found out that Spike got his soul back!"

"Bloody hell" grumbled Spike. 

"What?" Angel couldn't hide his shock and anger, "How did you do that?"

Continue in chapter 4…


	4. chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Wouldn't you like to know." smirked Spike.

Angel growled deep in his throat, but Buffy stood before him, protecting Spike. He almost smiled at the strange scene.

Anya looked at both of them, "Are you angry that he got his soul?" she asked Angel, bluntly.

"An..." Xander cut her off "I don't think that dead boy here..."

"What Xander? I only asked him, because I know that I would be if I were him."

"Really?" Angel snapped, "Why?"

"Oh, please." she snorted, "It's, like, so obvious. Spike got a soul and he can sleep with Buffy as much as he wants, and won't loose his soul. On the other hand, you…"

"Anya" both Buffys chorused.

"What?" she sniffed irritated. "I was just asking."

The other Buffy noticed something: Dawn was wearing her favorite Scholl shirt.

"Dawn," she asked, "what age are you?"

"What? I am almost sixteen. I just started high school." Dawn answered, acting like it was obvious.

The other Buffy considered that," Willow, can you tell me what happened here? I...it would help."

"Of course" she answered quickly," We were fighting this demon that we'd vanquished before…"

"The gom demon?" she asked.

Giles smiled, amused, as Willow corrected her, "The Gommlok. Spike and Anya were also there and Buffy said something to the demon that included a wish, and Anya sent Buffy to the future...well...we thought she sent Buffy there when we saw you. But, later, Buffy showed up here 'cause it had only sent her a few blocks away".

"It can't be" the other Buffy spat, not realizing she had spoken. She finally understood what happened. It changed everything. She didn't arrive to another world in some other dimension; no, she was at her world, five years before their war started...before Angelus was released to bring hell to earth. She could stop it now...she wouldn't have to go back to him. But what could she say? How could she explain herself to the others...most of all to Angel?

"Buffy?" 

She came from her thoughts staring into the chocolate eyes of her Angel. "Angel" her whisper filed with hope and agony. Now they wanted to know who was she. She couldn't tell them the truth. Ever. "You probably want to know about my life." Buffy began to tell her story--her lies," I come from another dimension. It's very similar to yours and most of the events occurred here probably occurred in my world but...somewhere on the way that changed."

"Changed?" Giles asked, interested.

She couldn't look him in the eyes, he would know she was lying. "I...in my world...it all started with Angel…" she couldn't tell them, her sister was sitting there. 

Dawn saw her looking at her and a glimpse of rebellion flashed in her eyes. "I can listen, I am not a little girl! Right, Buffy?" she turned to her sister.

The other Buffy's heart ached as she realized that Dawn didn't think of her as a sister. It was probably better this way; she'll only get hurt. Buffy nodded, she had promised her to treat her like a grown up.

The other Buffy knew what her alter-self would do, so she immediately continued her story, "Angel...he turned into Angelus. No one knew how it happened," she lied, "but he did. He brought hell to my world. He gathered an army all around the world, with him as the earth's sole ruler. I was the Slayer but I couldn't stop him...he was too powerful. My friends...they all died. No one survived him...except for me. He took me to the mansion he built in L.A and for five years I stayed there with him." She wouldn't tell them the horrible details, the dark nights she shared with him, the terrible things he did.

"Did he hurt you?" asked Dawn, fearfully.

The other Buffy smiled and lied, "No, he didn't...not really. You can see, I'm fine."

Angel, Giles, and Spike didn't believe her. They knew Angelus; they knew what he was capable of. However, they didn't say a thing. Their Buffy was too confused and shocked to even think about it. She had always assumed that Angelus simply wanted to kill her; she was too naïve to know better, and Giles had never told her most of the terrible things Angelus had done.

"Did he rape you?" Anya asked.

_Angelus reached her trembling naked form, walking towards her as the predator he was...he's hurting her...the inside of her is burning...the searing pain turn into fire...she screams...agony washes her over...five years..._ "No," she answered, quickly. 

Willow looked at Anya angry.

The other Buffy continued, "Actually in my world they call me Ann, " she lied. It was just a small lie since her middle name was Ann, but she just couldn't hear others calling her Buffy. She wasn't Buffy anymore.

She continued to tell them about "her" world and they eagerly listened as if she was telling them a fairy tale...if only they knew...

Willow was beginning to sense something weird about this "Ann". Something with her aura wasn't right. She remembered the spell she preformed with Tara when Faith and Buffy switched bodies. Now she didn't need to do a spell; she could sense auras all the time. Had this Ann came from a different dimension, she wouldn't have the same aura. It would have been close, but not the same. When she had brought Buffy back, her body molecules changed and fitted again in the world...this girl had the same molecular structure, the same aura. Something was very wrong indeed.

Than it hit her...this girl...Ann...she wasn't from a different dimension; she was from their world! Both Buffys were the same one...but how? Maybe there are two Buffys, like what happened to Xander? But, it still didn't make any sense. The demon they fought with didn't had that power; he wasn't that kind of a demon. The only explanation Willow could think of was that it had something to do with Anya's Buffy-shuffling. She had to ask Ann, after all, why would she lie?

"Is it true Willow?" Xander asked her, and she looked at them, surprised.

"What? Is what true?" she mumbled.

"Did you mange to vanquish the demon all by yourself?"

"Y-yes..." She was relieved that she wasn't that see-through. She'd ask Ann later, in private.

"I still don't understand how you got here, Ann." Anya made her first smart comment of the night.

"I...I don't know. One minute I was in the garden, waiting for Angelus to return. The next I was here...maybe Anya opened a dimension."

"I didn't. I don't have this kind of power. The wish was involved future request, which is what I did".

"Sending the demon five years in the future." Ann continued.

"Yes."

"Wait," Spike interjected, turning to Ann," how the bloody hell did you know that Anya sent him five years to the future? And to you? She never said that."

"But..." Ann mumbled, "Anya said the future..."

"Yes, but she didn't say five years". He insisted.

Realization stunned Willow. That's why the aura was the same! This Ann from the future...their future. By the looks of the others, they had realized that, too.

Buffy looked at Ann, frightened and shaken, "What?"

Ann was blushing, how could she make such mistake, "I don't understand," she muttered.

"I do" Willow said. Her friends had the right to know.

"Understand what Will?" Angel asked.

"I was thinking about her Aura…your Aura Ann and it was the same as Buffy…you are the same person…you are not from another dimension. Tell them" 

"No" Ann begged, tears formed in her green hazel eyes, she can't tell them…no.

"Tell us what?" Buffy's voice was tremble. She wouldn't accept what her mind was shouting to her.

Willow confronted Ann, "tell you that she came from the future…our world in the future…I think five years in the future…this is you Buffy…this is what happened to our world in the future…your future Buffy."

"No" was the only word Buffy could pronounce, it can't be their future…it can't.

"You let Angelus…" she accused Ann, realizing it was actually her blame.

"No…I never let him…he was too powerful…" Ann tried to speak between her tears, seeing Buffy disgust with her.

"I am sorry" she cried and ran for the door, she opened it to see Toivo and Markus; Angelus personal guards.

To be continued.


	5. chapter 5

Author's note The older Buffy will always be called Anne from now on.

Thanks for **Sigma** for the beta

Chapter 5-

Anne [Buffy] couldn't say anything as she was overcome by terror. Markus was tall and well-built with eyes like blue ice. Toivo looked kind and chubby, but looks are deceiving. He was anything but kind. They were both willing to die for Angelus, and she knew without doubt that they **would** get her back.

"I'm not going with you" she managed to say, her voice trembling from fear.

Markus smirked; he looked taller then she remembered. "It's not your choice."

By this time, the Scoobies were right behind her. Willow stepped forward, putting a supporting hand on Anne."Anne...what is going on here?"

Anne glanced at her, fright evident in her face, "They are…"

"Vampires" interrupted Buffy as she stepped forward to block the huge vampires.

Toivo looked surprised for a moment, but quickly recovered, "Slayer, we have no business with you or with this world. We just came for the girl."

"Really? Geez, I'm so disappointed. Here I was thinking we could fight a bit, with me kicking your sorry ass, but you're too dumb to even do that!"

As Markus growled, Anne smiled briefly at the memory of being witty and strong, but her smile quickly disappeared as she stepped out of the house, trying to protect Buffy. "Don't, Buffy. I can handle this".

Buffy snorted, "Yeah. Like you did before?"

Anne opened her mouth for a second, but quickly closed it. After all, it was the truth. Markus grabbed for Anne, but Buffy stepped in front of her. "YOU ARE NOT TAKING HER ANYWHERE. SHE STAYS HERE!"

Markus growled and changed into game face, his eyes glowing golden, as he spoke to Anne, ignoring Buffy,"You have no choice in this, Mistress. Come with us and no harm will be done to your friends. Angelus is waiting for you. He's was furious to find out you were missing...if we fail to get you back, he will be here with all his army. I am sure you don't want that to happen!"

Buffy smirked as she got into an attack pose,"I'll be the judge of that!"

"Stay out of this!" Anne whispered to Buffy, then she turned back to the vampires, "I will go with you as long as you don't harm my friends."

"No" Buffy gasped, "you can't…Buffy…Anne…fight back damn it!!! You're the Slayer, so slay!"

Tears were forming in Anne's eyes. She couldn't explain it to them...it was so different from anything they'd ever experienced. It didn't matter what she did. Eventually Angelus would win again, even in this world."I have to go."

"Like hell you do" snarled Angel. He hoped this girl could help them keep Angelus from coming and, besides, there was no way he'd send anyone to Angelus, mate or not.

Angel and Spike changed to their game faces, Giles and Xander grabbed some weapons, Willow frantically searched for some protection spells, and Anya got Dawn inside, out of the way.

"As you can see" Buffy smiled, "we won't let you take her."

"Stop it," begged Anne, then hesitated and lied,"I want to go." 

Buffy frowned, completely puzzled, "Are you crazy? You want to go back to him?"

"Y-yes"

"No, you don't. If you're me, then you're lying Anne…you hate him as much as I do".

"It doesn't matter," she muttered. 

Suddenly, Markus grabbed Anne and yanked her to his side, moving quickly away from the group toward a cemetery. Buffy tried to kick him, but Toivo countered, sending her to the ground. She, Angel, and Spike prepared to charge the two, when five more vampires suddenly rushed them. Standing back to back in a small circle, the trio tried to figure out a strategy. "Ok, Angel, take those two. Spike, take the two over there, and I'll take care of the others," whispered Buffy.

She could see Anne just standing still in Markus's arms, not fighting or trying to get away, but she didn't have time to think about it right now. "Buffy," Angel whispered, "go on my mark. You, too, Spike."

"Right" Spike nodded and they all charged.

They fought hard, but the vampires were tougher than any they had faced before. Markus left with Anne, once the trio was properly distracted, and soon they reached the deserted part of a cemetery. Anne hadn't spoken up till now, but she suddenly broke the silence,"How are we getting home?"

She didn't even notice that she had called that hell of a future her home. "Don't worry mistress, I'll get you to Angelus in no time." Markus held her gently now, not wanting to upset Angelus by leaving any marks on her gentle skin.  Anne sighed heavily, not resisting at all, although she felt a bit guilty for leaving her friends to fight alone.

As they stopped walking, Markus pulled out something that looked like a red bracelet with shining stones and slipped it on his arm. Watching him make some kind of gesture at thin air, Anne was surprised when a portal appeared.

"Let's go," he urged, but she hesitated for a second, wondering if she could still changed her fate. Markus looked at her,"You'll never get away from him."

"I…"

"Buffy!" Someone was suddenly beside her...it was Dawn, tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Dawn," whispered Anne, "what are you doing here?"

"I…I followed you here…please don't go…don't leave me again…you promised." She sobbed brokenly, not being able to stand the thought of losing her sister again, even if this Buffy was different.

"Dawn," begged Anne, "please leave, I have to do this…I love you…"

"No" screamed Dawn. All the anger that had built inside her burst out accidently opening another portal behind her, red like fire, hot like hell.

"Dawn…" gasped Anne, "what's happening?"

Markus looked confused as well, this girl managed to open a portal by herself? How? Then he remembered the stories about her being the Key. If it was true, then she had opened a dangerous hell dimension. Shoving Anne to the ground, he leapt for Dawn, who raced away, screaming. Anne sat in shock as her sister screamed for her,"Buffy…help me…"

"I can't…" she mumbled brokenly, "Dawn…I told you to leave, I…"

Markus returned with a struggling Dawn in his arms,"I have to kill her, Mistress. I'm sorry, but she's a threat to us…"

As his fangs reached Dawn's neck, Anne suddenly stood. She wouldn't watch her sister die...not again! Never again!

She hit him hard, knocking away from Dawn. Quickly spinning in a powerful kick, she sent him flying...right into the portal Dawn had opened. As Markus disappeared, she saw pure terror in his eyes. Then the portal closed, and Dawn ran to Anne, holding on to her tightly as they both fell to the ground, crying.

*

Buffy, Angel, and Spike had finally managed to defeat all the vampires, including Toivo, but as they turned to head back to the house, Willow rushed to their side,"Dawn's gone!"

Spinning quickly, they headed in the direction that Markus and Anne had gone, hoping to find Dawn alive. Skidding to a stop when they saw the two sisters on the ground, crying, they just stood there, unwilling to interfere. As the rest of the Scoobies arrived, they formed a small cluster and just watched the two.

Dawn was crying, "I am sorry Buffy…Anne…I need you…we all need you…don't leave me again!"

"I will never leave you again…I promise, Dawn…" Anne sobbed as she clung to the taller girl, "I won't let you die…" 

"Don't leave…" whispered Dawn, pleadingly.

Ann smiled between her tears "Never, Dawn…I thought I was saving all of you…protecting you, but I was wrong."

"Dawn!" Buffy and Giles hesitantly approached the two girls as Anne got to her feet.

"It's not over," muttered Anne bitterly, "far from over…the next visit will be Angelus and his army and the voice of Venum…"

"What?" Giles asked, unbelieving, "are you sure, Anne? The voice of Venum?"

"Yes" she almost whispered, "I am sorry…I brought this on you."

"What?" Xander looked puzzled, "what are you talking about? What is the voice of Venum?"

"You don't want to know," Anne said, tonelessly.

"Yes, I do!" Buffy snapped, "I think you owe us, since we saved your butt…"

"Technically," started Xander,"we didn't..." he trailed off, when Buffy turned her glare to him.

Angel cleared his throat,"Buffy, she is you...you don't have to be so harsh with her."

"Don't tell me what to be," She snarled.

"Children!" Giles raised his voice, "Stop bickering! What we are about to face will make the battle against Glory seem like child's play."

Buffy and Angel stopped arguing and looked almost afraid. "Great", sighed Anya, "why am I always here when it's the end of the world?"

"Giles," Willow tried to calm everyone down, "what is the voice of Venum?"

"It's a powerful legend that foresaw a new era for the vampire kind. The voice of Venum gives them a chance to walk in daylight."

"That means…" Willow stopped.

"Yes," sighed Spike, "we'll be facing an army of vampires who can go out anytime they want to."

Everyone looked at each other, a familiar sense of doom hanging over them. "Great" spat Buffy,"Just great."

To be continued

Reviews are extremely appreciated!


	6. chapter 6

Beta by: **Sigma**

Chapter 6

"Just great!" shouted Xander, "It's not enough that we have to live in Sunnyhell. Nooo, we have to have yet another apocalypse! I guess that Faith, the Mayor, the nerds, and all the other baddies weren't enough!"

"Don't forget Willow going all psycho killer." piped up Anya.

"Hello, I'm right here!" said Willow, offended.

"Sorry, Will." Xander apologized. 

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry." sighed Anne.

"It's a little too late for that!" exclaimed Buffy.

"I didn't exactly ask to be brought here!"

"You were anyway. You just had to come here from your sick dimension..."

"It's your dimension!" snapped Anne, "Your world! Your future!"

"No." denied Buffy, "There is no way that could be my future!"

"Why?" demanded Anne, "because you would never surrender?"

"Yes, I would never surrender! I would never let Angelus lay a finger on me! I'd die first!"

"Don't you think I tried?!? I tried so many times...but it was useless. He always found me...always saved me. There was nothing I could do."

"I find that a bit hard to believe. You're the SLAYER!"

"Come on, Buffy. Surely you're a little smarter than you look!"

"Excuse me? Don't insult the Slayer!" Buffy quickly got ready to fight.

"I am stronger then you." warned Anne, "You sure you want to take me on?"

"Yes, I'm sure! Let's see how good you really are when you actually fight." snarled Buffy, "When Spike, Angel, and I almost died a few minutes ago, you didn't exactly seem to be the fighting type. I guess you wanted to go back to your precious Angelus!"

"What? Like you could have killed Angelus."

"I did kill him, I sent him to HELL!" she declared, almost proudly.

"No, you sent Angel to hell. And it took you what? A couple of months just to TRY to kill Angelus? And you're blaming me?"

"At least I'm not the ho of the month!"

Anne flinched back. She'd always feared she was Angelus's whore, and Buffy seemed to make her fears real. With a snarl, she hit Buffy in the face. Very hard.

Buffy stumbled back, before leaping toward Anne, who Spike had pulled back. Angel quickly stepped in the way and grabbed Buffy."Let… go… of… me" she shouted, "I'm going to …"

"What?" Angel shouted back, "kill her?"

"No, I…she punched me!"

"You're the slayer, you can take it!"

"She's one, too. Why are you siding with her!?!" she accused, hurt.

Angel let her go, trying to defuse the situation, "I am not siding with either of you. You're the same person, anyway. And you're not a child, Buffy, so stop acting like it!"

"Oh, I'm a child now? Well, why don't you just leave this 'child' and go back to your oh-so adult life in LA! This is my town and I don't need YOU!"

"Bitchy as ever." muttered Anne and Buffy turned to glare at her.

"Why don't we all just calm down and relax?" interjected Giles,"It's been a long night and the sun will be up in an hour. We should all get some rest."

"Fine." muttered Buffy, "Let's go Dawn".

"Wait…" Dawn hesitated, "where will Anne stay?"

Anne blinked. She hadn't thought that far. Dawn glanced at her, "Maybe she could stay at our…"

"No way." Buffy cut her off.

"Yeah," Anne snorted, "like I'd want to go there"

"But...it's your house, too!" Dawn argued.

"It's not anymore," Anne pointed out, sadly.

"She could stay with me." offered Angel, getting very surprised looks, "What? I'm staying at the mansion and there are lots of rooms there."

"Well" pouted Anya, "as long as you keep it yourself...if you know what I mean."

Anne blushed, Angel looked embarrassed, but Buffy just pulled Dawn away, angry.

"I…" Anne thought for a second, "I guess…"

"Great," sighed Giles, relieved, "it's settled then. Angel…I need to ask you a few things about Venum."

"No problem. Anne, you go ahead. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"'K"

Everyone quickly dispersed for the night, although Dawn ran back to give Anne a quick hug before catching up with Buffy. Anne smiled sadly at her back before heading the opposite direction towards the mansion. She frowned. Someone was following her...turning around suddenly, she surprised him. "Spike!" 

"Hey there, luv. Just thought I'll watch after you, with all that's happened."

"Thanks." she smiled slightly.

They walked side by side; their footsteps echoing through the quiet night. Spike drew a deep un-needed breath, then blew it out slowly,"I think you're very brave, luv"

"Thanks for the complement, although I certainly don't believe it. You're the brave one, fighting all those vamps like that."

"Nothing else to do" he lied.

Stopping, she looked right into his eyes, seriously, "You don't have to lie to me, William. I know you." 

Reaching up, she traced the lines of his face with her delicate finger, memories coming back.

_Spike fighting Angelus. Angelus discovering what had gone on between Buffy and him.  Spike tied to a chair, forced to watch as Angelus raped Buffy again and again. Tears pouring down her face. She can't hold back her screams. Spike beginning to scream and shout at Angelus, demanding he let her go. Angelus finally stopping, only to taunt Spike with the knowledge that Buffy would be Angelus's...for eternity. The stake coming forward, piercing Spike's heart as his anguished eyes turn to her and he whispers,"I love you" before turning to dust. Angelus letting her crawl slowly to his ashes. Turning toward the sky, she's screaming in absolute pain and anguish..._

"Luv?"

She was suddenly back here, beside him.

"You remembered something."

"I…I can't!" she broke, "Please, I can't talk about the past. Not yet."

"It's ok, luv. I don't really want to know how I died."

She smiled faintly, trying desperately to forget. "I should have left with Markus and Toivo."

"And doom us to the fate your world suffered?"

"I guess not...it's just...I didn't want to complicate things …"

"It's the hellmouth, luv. Things are always complicated here."

As she reached the door of the mansion, she turned to Spike and gave him a quick kiss."Good night Spike."

Spike looked surprised for a moment, then nodded and walked slowly off. As Anne unlocked the mansion and slipped inside, he turned back and hid in the bushes. He felt closer to her than he had ever felt to Buffy.

*

Angel left Giles's house, walking quickly toward the mansion. He carried with him a bag of clothes for Anne. They were some things that Dawn had grabbed from Buffy's closet, without telling Buffy, of course. As he neared the mansion, he realized someone was following him. Someone who shouldn't have been there.

Turning quickly, Angel found himself face to face with Connor, who was stone-faced,"Hello, father"

To be continued...


	7. chapter 7

Special with sugar on top to the wonderful Sigma for beta- fast my fic!!!

The song: The power of love by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Chapter 7-

Anne was tossing and turning in her sleep, nightmarish reality invading her dreams. She dreamt of Buffy accusing her of being Angelus's whore. Of Angel looking at her, hurt and disappointed. 

The wind coming through her window made her shiver as she restlessly slept. Spike sat next to her. He'd come rushing in when he'd heard her call out. Once he realized she wasn't in trouble, he just sat on a chair near her, keeping an eye on her. An hour had passed as he just stared at Anne, taking in her beauty. 

**_I'll protect you from the hooded claw_**

**_Keep the vampires from your door_**

Looking at her made him burn with passion. He wanted to take her into his arms, claim her, make her his own.

****

**_Feels like fire_**

**_I'm so in love with you_**

"No" she moaned in pain, as her haunting dreams drove her to tears. Her head snapped back and forth as she tried to escape sleep.

**_Dreams are like angels_**

**_They keep bad at bay-bad at bay_**

**_Love is the light_**

**_Scaring darkness away-yeah_**

Spike jumped to his feet and leant over her, brushing her tears softly from her cheeks, careful not to wake her from her much-needed sleep. He gently caressed her hair with his other hand; the smell of vanilla wafting up to him, making him want her even more.

**_I'm so in love with you_**

**_Purge the soul_** **_Make love your goal_**

* 

In her room, Buffy's dreams were filled with horrors, too. She kept remembering when she first met Angelus, after that one beautiful night of lovemaking. One minute, she held her lovely Angel. The next, she held the killer, Angelus. She could see Anne looking at her, with Angelus yanking Anne back from the light, from Buffy.

Then there was Angel, telling her that it was too late. That he was leaving.

Spike was in the shadow. He turned to her, a crucifix in his hand, 'Can I rest now, Buffy?' he said quietly.

'You have to choose' warned Angel. She opened her mouth to answer, then there was Anne, locked in an embrace with Angelus. Anne turned, smiling wickedly,'I chose.'

"No!" Buffy gasped. 

She turned and ran, trying to deny what she'd seen.

**_The power of love_**

**_A force from above_**

**_Cleaning my soul_******

*

Anya woke up, achingly empty. She wanted Xander there. Without him, the nights seemed so long...so cold...so meaningless.

She sniffed, wiping off a tear that had slipped down her cheek. It was her fault, just as much as it was his. She didn't have to sleep with Spike. That was something Xander would never forget.

She sat at her kitchen table, sipping coffee as she listened to the melancholy music floating out of the radio.

**_Flame on burnt desire_**

**_Love with tongues of fire_**

**_Purge the soul_**

**_Make love your goal_**

*

Willow was dreaming of Tara. They were in a beautiful field, filled with all colors and kinds of flowers. Tara danced ahead, her long hair flowing behind her in a golden wave. Willow tried to catch her, but Tara always stayed just out of reach, teasing her and laughing. 

Finally, Willow caught her and spun her around, only to have Tara become Warren, screaming as his flesh was ripped off. Willow backed up, unable to take her eyes off his tortured expression. 'No...no!' she screamed and opened her eyes, breathing heavily. She was back in her room, in her bed. She picked up a photo of Tara and her. It had been a beautiful sunny day, and Tara was so beautiful...hot tears ran down Willow's face, and her tears became loud sobs.

**_I'll protect you from the hooded claw_**

**_Keep the vampires from your door_**

**_When the chips are down I'll be around_**

**_With my undying, death-defying_**

**_Love for you_**

*

"What are you doing here?" accused Angel.

Connor glared at him,"Nice to see you, too, DAD!"

"Stop the game, Connor" Angel warned him, "How did you know I was here?"

Connor sighed, "Gunn told me."

"Really? Is Cordelia ok?" he asked concerned.

"Yeah, Dad, she's fine. Fred and Gunn are looking after her."

"Ok...so why are you here?" he frowned, folding his arms.

"I...I just thought I could...well...help you. With whatever you're doing here." Connor said, wanting to show Angel how much he'd changed; how he was helping people now, just like Angel.

"Look, Connor, I'm doing fine by myself. You should just go back to LA if you really want to help. I don't need any more complications here."

"So I'm just a complication to you?"

"Yes...No" Angel sighed, rubbing his forehead. 

"Are you ashamed of me?" accused Connor.

"What? No, of course not! Why would I be ashamed of you? You're my son."

"Right." said Connor, bitterly. "Fine, I'll just catch a ride back. Was nice seeing you."

He turned to leave, and Angel winced. He didn't want him to leave. He was very proud of his son. Proud of how he could fight with the best demon-hunters, proud of the man his son was becoming. It was just...he could seem to say it. "Wait" Angel called. Connor turned, a spark of hope in his eyes."As long as you're here, you might as well stay with me. We can do the whole father-son bonding thing!"

Connor smiled, and his face seemed to light up. For a moment, Angel could see Darla's beautiful smile. Not the wicked one she show most people, but the special one she reserved for him alone. Shaking himself out of his memories, he smiled back,"Let's go. I'm staying in my mansion. The one right over there."

"So...what's up with Sunnydale? And who do we have to save?"

 *

Anne was dreaming again. 

_She sat in the garden, a light evening breeze brushing her face lightly. She felt cold lips on her forehead. Lifting her gaze, she saw Angelus, smiling at her. She trembled and tried to get away, but he held her there.  _'_You know you can't get away from me. No one can help you now, little girl. We're bound by blood for eternity. If you run, I'll only find you. Your blood calls to me, my love.'_

_'No' she denied_

_'Yes' he hissed. He grabbed her in a punishing grip, kissing her brutally. He pulled back for a second, then changed into game-face and tore into her soft neck._

_She could see Buffy over his shoulder, shaking her head in disappointment before turning and walking away._

_'No, wait! Don't go!' she screamed._

_Buffy spun back, a sneer on her face,'This is all your fault, Anne. You brought this on yourself. I can't help you.'_

_'No!!' she wailed, feeling her life slipping away from her._

_Angelus was shaking her._

"No!", she cried, "Let go of me! Don't touch me!"

Spike tried to calm her down, but she couldn't escape her nightmare.

*

As Angel and Connor approached the mansion, quietly discussing what was going on in Sunnydale, they heard an agonized scream. Angel rushed through the door to Anne, only to see Spike hovering above her as she begged him to let her go.

He growled, changing into his game-face as he backhanded Spike into the wall. Anne woke suddenly, only to see Angel, fangs bared.

"Get away from me Angelus" she tried to push him away, as she fell to the floor, shaking with sobs.

"Anne..." Angel tried to soothe her.

"No! Get away from me!" she curled up and began to rock back and forth as tears streamed down her cheeks.

**_Envy will hurt itself_**

**_Let yourself be beautiful_**

**_Sparkling love, flowers_**

**_And pearls and pretty girls_**

**_Love is like an energy_**

**_Rushin' rushin' inside of me_**

**_This time we go sublime_**

**_Lovers entwine-divine divine_**

**_Love is danger, love is pleasure_**

**_Love is pure-the only treasure_**

**_I'm so in love with you_**

To be continued, if the interest is there!


	8. Chapter 8

Author's note: (Does anyone ever read these?) Anyway, some of you wanted to know what the pairing will be. In this part, you will get the answer to that, I think, and one thing is sure: I am not pairing Dawn with Connor. Please, don't ask me to! She's soooo childish, and he's...well...a man, Angel's son. I already found someone for him, too, but I'm not telling who, yet! ( * grin * )

Betas by **Sigma**- as always you're the best!!!!!

Chapter 8

Anne looked up into the eyes of Angel and froze. What had she done? Angelus, he'd punish her...kill Spike!

"No!" She begged, curling up and reaching out to stroke his thigh. "Please, Angelus, don't hurt Spike! It was all my fault! I won't scream, I won't...please don't punish us." She began to cry silently and rocked back and forth, quietly chanting "sorry" over and over.

Connor looked frightened when he heard the name Angelus. Even though he knew the difference between the soul and the demon, he still feared and hated the demon.

Angel and Spike looked hurt, then looked down at the small girl who was obviously in her own world. They knew perfectly well how Angelus would have probably punished Anne, enjoying her pain and screams. Angel wanted to go to her, comfort her, but decided against it. His face only seemed to bring up all her memories of Angelus.

Spike reached hesitantly for her, and, as his hand gently touched her, she seemed to recognize his touch. Her body relaxed into him as she rested her head in his lap. They leaned against the cold wall, and he cradled her carefully.

He soothed her, whispering words of comfort to her ears as he had done centuries ago with Dru every time Angelus left her broken on the floor. Angel watched from a distance, pain flickering across his face. Her fear made his fate seem inevitable. This girl from the future -- his future -- was terrified of him, of what he'd do to her. He needed to find out what had made him into that kind of monster again. 

For now, he could tell that he was no use here. Beckoning to Connor, he silently slipped out of the room. Spike watched him go, then turned back to Anne.

************

"Soo..." Connor hesitated, trying to pick his words carefully. "Mind explaining me what just happened there, and who that girl is? She doesn't look like a vampire to me." He sincerely hoped she wasn't. She was incredibly gorgeous, maybe the most beautiful girl he'd seen.

"She's Buffy, but we call her Anne." Angel managed to say through the heavy lump in this throat.

"O...k..." Connor looked puzzled "As Gunn would say, could you throw me some meat?"

Angel snorted bitterly. "You've been hanging around Gunn too much. Should I be worried?"

"Nah, he's cool, Dad." He grinned for a moment, before becoming serious. "I know it is probably painful for you to talk about it, but I want to help you. I'm here to help you."

Angel nodded and sighed, sitting down on the couch. "It's a long story, Connor. Did I ever tell you about a guy named Whistler?"

*****

An hour later, Anne had finally relaxed into Spike's comfortable grip. She had fallen asleep in his arms, and now she smiled slightly. She almost kissed him, before remembering that he wasn't ready for that yet. She slipped of his lap and looked shyly at him. "I must have given you quite a show there."

Spike grinned, relieved that she was obviously better now. "Yes, you did, luv. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling all better. I'm ready to rock and roll, or just roll."

He smirked. "That's my Buff...I mean, Anne."

"It's ok." She gently brushed the mark Angel had left on him. "You can call me, Buffy. Did...did he hurt you?"

"Who, the wanker? Not bloody likely. I'm fine, luv. Been a lot worse before, trust me."

"I do." She whispered almost silently. "I think I should apologize to him..."

"Peaches? S'ok, don't worry, luv. He understood. You should have seen my nightmares after they stopped airing 'All My Children' on Channel 4. I really liked that Kendall character."

She laughed freely, bringing warmth to his undead heart.

"How 'bout some breakfast, luv?"

"Sure, what have you got to offer?"

*****

Buffy and the rest of the gang sat in the Magic Box, terribly bored, while Giles looked through the books. Anya sat counting her money, and Dawn slipped to the back of the store, looking for some magic books.

"You want to ask me something?" Willow looked at Buffy with concern.

"I...I don't know, Will. I didn't get much sleep last night. I had all this horrible nightmares..."

"Where they prophetic?" Willow sounded slightly panicked. "Because, if they were, then was Angelus in there? Did we die? Did..."

"Hold on for a sec! It wasn't prophetic, just a nightmare. It was about Angelus...but also about me, the other me..."

"What exactly happened?" She ignored the fact that she'd had her own nightmare about Tara.

"I...I really can't talk about it. It's not important. However, I thought of something really disturbing about Anne."

"Really?" Anya looked up from her money in interest.

"Well I thought about her...me...the future me -- sheesh, this feels like _Back to the Future_ or something. Giles, do you think that there might be any danger with me running into me?"

"More then the danger we're already in?" He sighed.

"Well, yeah. The thing is, I noticed something odd. She's from five years in the future, right? Well, shouldn't she look..." She tried to find the right word.

"Old?" volunteered Anya.

Buffy glared at her. "Older."

"Well," Giles began to clean his glasses. "with all that's happened here, I hadn't thought about that. You are quite correct, Buffy. She doesn't look a day older then you."

"Actually..." Anya broke in, but trailed off when she realized that the Slayer was giving her a death-glare.

"Do you have something to say?"

"I'll tell you, but only as a friend. I have tact you know. Xander used to tell me..."

"Anya!"

"Fine, fine. She looks the same age as you, but still very different. Her clothes, did you see how expensive they looked? And her manicured nails, gorgeous skin, and perfect make-up? She screams money, and plenty of it.

Buffy snorted. "I guess being Angelus's whore comes with benefits."

"Oh, would you like to tell me what those are to my face?"

They all spun around to find Anne at the door next to Spike, both looking quite pissed off.

To be continued.


	9. chapter 9

Author note: This one is longer then the other chapters, for those who wanted more…

Thanks for Sigma for beta this fic for me! 

Chapter 9-

They looked ashamed, as they stood caught between the two slayers, not really knowing what to say or do. Nervously, they glanced around, hoping to find something to distract themselves from the overwhelming tension that filled the room.

Anne was standing in the doorway, her arms folded as she gave the famous slayer look that made most people squirm nervously. However, Buffy just gave her an equally powerful glare in return. Then, seeing Spike, she raised an eyebrow curiously before dismissing it.

"Well," Ann snapped, "Do you want to ask me something?"

"Yes." Anya said frankly. "We wanted to know why you have so much money? Is it because you've been forced to have non-stop sex with Angelus?"

Now, they all looked even more embarrassed.

"That was interesting." Spike snorted, rolling his eyes.

"No one asked you!" snapped Buffy. She certainly didn't want him here; didn't want the constant reminder of how she'd betrayed her friends...and betrayed Angel.

"You didn't seem to mind what I did when I was screwing you!"

"I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it." She bit the words off angrily.

"Fine." interrupted Anne. "How about we continue to talk about me? Do you actually have anything to tell me, or do you just want to keep getting your kicks hurting a harmless, ensouled vampire?"

"What?" Buffy laughed derisively. "Harmless? As if."

Spike, as much as he wanted to, didn't say anything. He might not usually know when to keep his mouth shut, but he knew better than to get in between two angry slayers.

"To get back to the subject, you have no right to talk about what went on between me and Angelus." Anne snarled. "You know absolutely nothing about what happened!"

"Oh, really? I know that he's a vicious killer and that you just jumped into bed with him."

"I've been wondering: how's that different from what Buffy did with Spike?" Anya piped up, looking genuinely curious.

"That's none of your business, Anya. Besides, Spike's harmless."

Anne smirked. "You said a minute ago that he isn't harmless."

"You know what I mean." Buffy waved her hand dismissively.

"No, why don't you tell me?"

"Girls..." Giles tried to break the tension before the slayers began to fight physically. "We need to work together. Angelus is probably already on his way here..."

"I wonder whose fault that is?"

"Well, it would be your fault." Anya stated. "I mean, the other you. I really think counting money is much less confusing than this."

"I agree." sighed Giles.

"She's not me!" snapped Buffy, "I would never..."

"What?" Ann cut her off, "Never sleep with Angelus, never abandon your noble mission?"

"I...no, I won't."

"Sometimes you don't have a choice, Buffy. You know, considering your age and slaying experience, you are awfully naïve."

"Well, if you call fighting evil of all sorts and actually attacking my enemies naïve, then maybe I am."

"It wasn't like that!" 

"Yes, I guess it was very hard saying no to Angelus when he gave you a claddagh, sparkling with diamonds, or all those expensive clothes. Did you accept them before or after he killed all your friends?"

"It was too late!" Anne shouted.

Everyone's head snapped to look at the distraught girl, and Dawn began to look frightened, although Anne was too far into her memories to notice. Angel slipped in the back door as she began her story.

"It was too late." She repeated softly. "When we realized what Angelus had done, how he'd taken control of Los Angeles using Wolfram and Hart as his base of operations, it was all too late. Far too late for the city and for mankind. When he arrived Sunnydale, it was too late for us. You see, we didn't expect him to come so soon. The local demon community had given us false information about his timing. We all fought him as best we could, but we all lost. I was the last standing. He was so powerful...he must have been at least ten times stronger than me." 

Tears began to slip down her cheeks as she stared hopelessly at Buffy. "Imagine watching your friends die in front of you, one by one. All your best friends from highschool, the only true family you've ever known. Watching as he snapped their neck as if they were mere puppets. Imagine your watcher begging for his life after nights of torture and agony. Imagine your beautiful sister bitten and tortured in front of you for days. Imagine hearing her screams at night, always...for eternity. Imagine going to sleep and closing your eyes only to see the dead bodies of the people you used to love. Imagine their lifeless bodies being dumped on the ground...unrecognizable. Imagine the looks of terror and despair on their faces.

"Then think about what you're like now: you're the last person alive anywhere. The humans are gone, and demons rule the world. The last battle was fought...and you lost. You expect death...almost yearn for it, so you can reunite with your loved ones. But it never come. You become a prisoner in that dark world, a creature of the night. You try to end your own life...but you can't. He made you immortal. Is it to punish you? Is it because he can't face the world if you grow old? It doesn't really matter. All you know is that you will never die or age. You will stay with him for eternity, going to bed night after night with the screams and tears of your friends and family echoing through your mind. It will never end. So you see it was already too late..."

Anne spun around and raced out of the store, leaving a stunned group behind.

Dawn cried silently, and Willow cried as well, almost thankful that Tara didn't suffer like that. Anya sighed, feeling sorry for Anne. She'd seen worse in her life, but it had never happened to anyone close to her.

Buffy refused to shed a tear, but Angel could see through her facade. She mourned for what happened to Anne, but this Buffy wasn't broken like Anne was. She was still strong and confident. He glanced at Giles, seeing his thoughts mirrored in Giles's expression.

Spike took a step towards the door, before realizing it was still sunny out. He silently cursed as Giles walked slowly out to find Anne.

He knew exactly where to find her. She sat facing the city in a place she'd told Giles about years ago. It was here that Angel tried to kill himself, and Giles knew she still went there to think.

He sat quietly next to her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. Turning at the friendly touch, she tried to smile slightly. He was taken aback at how she looked. He hadn't really noticed her appearance before, but he certainly did now. 

This Buffy was so very different. Yes, she had beautiful, long blond hair, shining like the sun, and she had a brilliant beauty, almost goddess-like...but he knew her all too well. Knew her like a father knows his daughter. 

She was a broken doll. Pretty, but broken. Her eyes were distant, like she wasn't really there. He was used to the spark of life in her eyes, but they were dull and lifeless. She wasn't real, this Buffy who was sitting next to him was made of plastic and glass. One more fall, and the glass would break. One more fall, and all that was left would be a plastic doll without any shred of life. 

"I am so sorry." She whispered. It was a small voice, almost childlike. 

Her words confused him. What did she have to be sorry for? For failing him? For letting him suffer torture and pain? For letting him die? For coming to their world and bringing chaos with her?

He turned her to face him. Looking in her green eyes, he wanted so much to comfort her, but she seemed out of his reach. He thought it would be ridiculous to ask what she was sorry for. After suffering such agony, she had plenty of regrets, no doubt. "Buffy...I..."

"No, don't call me that! Never again. I am Anne. You know me; you can see through me. I...I just wanted to warn you: you have to tell buffy more, tell her the truth. She should know what vampires are really like, what they crave...playing house with Spike is nothing like the real thing. You know what I mean. I know you do. You're smarter then most of the council members. You know things...dark things, so don't try to deny it now."

He was speechless for a moment as he looked into her eyes and saw such maturity. He knew she was right, but he didn't want to tell Buffy. He wasn't even sure if she'd ever understand...but there also was another reason: he didn't want her to loose her innocence, her love for life. She was still his Buffy, and he wasn't ready to teach her about the dark world of vampires.

"You have to tell her, Giles!" Anne stared at him, trying to make him see what she meant. "If you won't then I will, she needs to know! Please...don't let her find out about it the way I did...It was so cruel and hard...it will be better this way."

"Buff...Anne, I think there are quite a few things which you are not telling me...er, us."

"I can tell you. I just can't face telling Buffy, but she really should know."

"How...how will I begin? What would I tell her?"

Ann stood up. "I need to be left alone to think. I don't know what you should tell her about vampires, but I can tell you about a certain ceremony that Angelus made me perform with him."

"What was that?"

"Have you heard about the 'Nisuyim' ceremony?"

Concentrating for a moment, he recalled reading a bit about it. "Are you talking about the bonding ceremony?"

"Yes, I am."

"But...that's impossible! It's just a legend; no one has ever managed to go through with it. Are you sure that's what you're talking about?"

"Yes, Giles, I'm very sure. Do you know exactly what it means?"

"No...I have to check my books. I never had to look at it much before..."

"Then do it. You wanted something to tell Buffy, so you can start with that."

He took off his glasses and nervously began to clean them. "Yes, I'll do that. After I research the ceremony, are you sure you don't want to tell me..." He put on his glasses and looked up, but she was already gone.

He sighed. She just had to disappear, didn't she? Shaking his head, he made his way back to his book collection. A few hours later, after researching hard, he found out all the information he needed about the ceremony. He took off his glasses and wiped away a few tears.

"Dear Lord...poor girl...I can't believe she actually was forced to endure this...Oh, God, she'll need help!"

To be continued...


	10. chapter 10

Chapter 10

The song "Promise Tomorrow Tonight  " by Danielle Brisebois and "Lie to me" by Jonny Lang

Author note: this chapter is more dealing with issues between Buffy and Angel

**Special thanks to Keri for beta this chapter for me, and hopefully my other fics (hint, hint…). We should all thank her because of her I can continue to post my fic!**

To Bri (Britanyca) your help was also great, thanks!!!!

After Anne left in a rush of hurt and turmoil everyone scattered around. Giles went after her but he returned an hour later and began researching the Nisuyim ceremony that Anne had referred to.  He refused to share any information with the gang before finding out what, precisely the ceremony entails. 

Xander escorted Dawn to school and then continued on his way to work. 

Buffy, on the other hand, stayed at the Magic Box and took the opportunity to do some training in the back room. She walked past Angel and began punching the punching bag, trying to relieve some of the tension and anger that had gathered inside of her. She wouldn't think about the things that Anne had said, she wouldn't allow herself to feel.  She had to be strong, a battle was coming and if she wanted to save them all, then she had to be strong.

"Buffy," Angel touched her arm gently, as if only the touch would burn him alive.

"Don't. Touch. Me" she snapped at him.

"Buffy, " he sighed, "I know you think that I'm siding with Anne, but I'm not, I still care about you."

"I don't want to hear you say that" she said bitterly, avoiding eye contact.

**I forgive you **

**Boy, you always had a need about you **

**Even though you thought it wasn't that **

**And I actually used to lie about you **

**Saying that I'd never want you back**

"Look, I know we said things to one another…promised things to one another when you…when you returned from…after you were…"

"Dead! Say it Angel.  For god's sake, I was dead and now I'm alive, I know what you said but don't worry I won't hold it against you."

"It's…it wasn't like that, there are things that you don't know about, I know I promised you that we'd be together and I would come back to Sunnydale but something happened but I still lo…"

"Don't! Don't you dare say those words to me Angel, you have no right. How dare you come here and say those words to me? I don't need you in my life!  Ever! I moved on."

**Did you ever used to dream about me **

**Don't you miss how we used to walk in the rain **

**Did you ever even care about me **

**Did you know I'd never be the same **

**Answer me**

"To Spike?" he growled angrily, "Was that your solution?"

"Yes! I don't owe you any explanation Angel, you decided everything for the both of us when you never came back."

"But I need to explain to you what happened, why I didn't return."

"No Angel, I don't want to hear or listen or…talk about it. It's too late now"

"It's not too late Buffy!  It's never too late!  Besides is it any better that you screwed Spike?" he blamed, raising his voice.

"Spike was here Angel, and you have no say in my life!"

"Yes I have!" he snapped, he held her close, "You are my mate! I will not have you fuck my childe!  He's bad news Buffy.  God damn it you deserve something better, why can't you see that?"

"Maybe not okay? Who said I should have better? Maybe Spike is all I should have in life, maybe this is it for Buffy, no nice guys, only bad boys who…who promise to stay with me forever and then leave.  I don't know maybe I will never have a normal life or a normal relationship for that matter and you know what? I don't care! I just don't. I know that my life is constantly in danger and that I may die any day now so I'm living life each second as if there is no tomorrow, because for me there might be no tomorrow.  Don't look at me like that Angel.  I am not the same girl you once knew.  I am not this silly clinging teenager who saw you as her everything, I have perspective now".

**Yes, I always used to dream about you **

**Even thought I found it hard to sleep **

**Look at us back here again **

**Only fools burn twice, but the fire's been started **

**And though it might not've seemed like it then **

**I loved you more than you ever did love me**

Her words hurt him, stung him and stabbed like a knife to the heart, for him it could have been a stake. She knew it, and when she saw how much her words hurt him and she wanted to take them back. Of course she had lied to him, she hadn't gotten over him, and if he begged for her forgiveness she would have jumped to the moon to forgive him.  All he had to do was say that he was sorry, but he wouldn't and so she refused to even listen to him.  But god she loved him so much!

"Buffy…baby please!  I just need you to hear me out, to understand why I didn't return to you."

"No Angel, no more excuses, I'm done listening to them."

Angel wanted to explain it to her. After they met, when he had first found out that she was alive he cried and promised that he'd never leave her again. They agreed that he'd come back to Sunnydale and work in L.A, it was a two-hour commute but it was worth it. They even thought about the curse and how they could ask Willow to help them now that she was such an experienced witch. He came back to L.A to tell everyone the good news…but then he ran into Darla and everything got so mixed up that he couldn't leave his son or L.A.  He wanted to make her understand his reasons and ask for her forgiveness.  That, if she would only forgive him that he'd stay with her no matter what.   But she would never forgive him.  He tried again.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you Buffy, it was never my intention."

"Well at least with Spike I knew where I was standing, you see he never lied to me.  He never pretended to be something he's not, he never made promises to me that he couldn't keep."

**I loved you more then you ever did love me**

**That's not true - I swear it's not true **

**We're both guilty**

"How can you say that? It's Spike Buffy!  Spike. I don't care if he went and got himself a soul, because you screwed him soulless."

"Don't lecture me about that Angel, I don't see you suffering too much."

"When will you wake up?" he shouted at her, "It's Spike, he'll hurt you over and over again.  How stupid are you?"

Tears came to her eyes as she shouted right back at him, "Don't call me stupid Angel, I wanted to be with you, but you never came back so I stayed with Spike.  It was all your fault, I waited and waited for you and you just…left me again!" the tears fell on her checks as she suddenly sobbed desperately trying to avoid his eyes.

Angel was beyond words, he cursed himself for being such an idiot as realization hit him; Buffy went to Spike because of him, because he had left her with no explanation.  Left her for Spike to collect as his prize and oh, what a prize she was.

He grabbed her and hugged her tightly, trying to take away the pain, to ease her mind, to comfort her and to show her how much he loved her how much he will always love her.

 "Oh God Buffy, I didn't know." She cried, buried her face in his broad chest, wanting to believe him, wanting the pain to go away.  She wanted to tell him that she had lied, that she had never truly moved on, that she never would.  He was all she thought about, all she loved.  Spike couldn't be compared to him, that no one could ever be compared to him. 

Angel stroked her golden hair. He wants to tell her he's sorry, that he'd do anything for her.

Buffy cried in his arms, she knew he will tell her now how sorry he is and they'll be together, that everything would be all right now.

"Buffy, baby, I just want to tell you that I'm so sorry and if you'll forgive…"

**Promise me you'll stay tonight **

**Promise me you'll never leave me**

**For the rest of both our lives**

"Dad?" Connor burst into the magic box, watching his father with the petit girl, looked like this other girl Anne, apparently the Buffy girl he was talking about before, she was crying and he comforted her. Obviously he had intruded on a private moment.

Buffy lifted her eyes, disconnecting herself from Angel, she heard someone say something? She turned in the direction of the voice and as if in slow motion her eyes locked with blue eyes, dark blue and she felt a tingle of familiarity, closely observing the kid she realized he reminded her of her Angel.  Hell he probably looked like him when he was at the same age the boy is, he looked like Angel, same dark features, same dark hair and the way he smiled…oh god, his word sank in, this one hurtful word, he had a son? Some woman gave birth to his son? But how?  Vampires can't have children, or can they? Who was the mother?  It should have been a while ago since this kid is at least sixteen, and how come Angel never told her about it? Unless… he didn't know? But the boy said 'dad' and that meant that Angel knew, knew and didn't say a word!  All his pretty words of apology and love and understanding, all while he was keeping this big secret from her. So many conflicting thoughts ran through her mind as she continued to glare in disbelief at the teenager in front of her. She looked at Angel questioning.

"Buffy I…"

Anya burst into the store second after Connor, "Oh great, your son was looking for you."

"Son?" Buffy managed to stammer the word, she turned to Angel, questioning, "So it is true? You have a son?"

**Lie to me and tell me everything is all right**

**Lie to me and tell me that you're stayin' the night**

**Tell me that you'll never leave,**

**and I'll just try to make believe**

**that everything you tell me is true**

"Of course he does." volunteered Anya.

Buffy ignored her, "But how can that be Angel? He looks about sixteen or so, how…"

"Well," Anya volunteered again, not giving Angel or Connor a chance to explain.  "He was raised in a different dimension, after his mother died, Holtz kidnapped him as a revenge for what Darla and Angelus did to his family".

"Revenge?" Buffy was puzzled, "What does Darla have to do with it?"

Connor didn't say a word, apparently his father never mentioned him to Buffy. Angel was about to say something when Anya quipped

"Darla was his mother. You see, as I understood Darla was…"

Buffy just stared, not believing, she interrupted Anya, hurt and confused she denied her story "I…you're wrong Anya, Darla is dead."

"No she's not", Anya chatted, "You didn't know because well, returning from heaven and screwing Spike and all but Wolfram and heart resurrected Darla and she slept with Angel.  I personally think it's a miracle…I mean the son of two vampires not the sleeping with Darla thing.  Well that could be considered a miracle if you slept with Xander after…" 

Anya babbled on and on but no one was listening to her. Buffy couldn't even speak.  Nothing was making any sense. There was only one way to find out. She turned to Angel, her heart beating fast.  Never before in her life had she been as scared of facing something as she was of facing this. 

"Angel, tell me that what Anya just babbled isn't true?"

**Come on baby won't you just**

**Lie to me, go ahead and lie to me**

He looked away from her, casting his eyes down. He couldn't tell her the words, but he knew she knew. He also couldn't bring himself to see the pain and disappointment in her eyes, the agonizing realization that another woman had given birth to his child.  And not just any woman at that, but the woman who had been his lover for centuries. A woman who gave him what Buffy had always desired, the one thing that would make her complete and connect her to Angel, a son. As he lifted his eyes he saw the most pain filled look he had ever seen in all his life. Buffy's green eyes where now covered with tears, green as the ocean. She didn't say anything, hot tears sliding down her cheeks and she quickly fled the store, without looking back.

**Lie to me, it don't matter anymore**

**It could never be the way it was before**

**If I can't hold on to you**

**leave me with somethin' I can hold onto,**

**for just a little while won't you let me dream**

To be continued  

Please review this!!!


	11. chapter 11

Chapter 11

Dedicated to Abbyland who's writing the greatest fic "Bad Angel" You are the best Abby!!!

Thanks for the great reviews from everyone especially the wonderful Bri (Britanyca site Enchanting Place: ) who waited for the next chapter.

I don't remember whom but someone asked for Buffy and Angelus moments so this is for you whoever you are!!!

The song "Ballet Of The vampire, Untouched" by Dorling and "Betrayed by life" by Hatebreed

Special thanks for Keri.

Beta by Amy, thanks a lot Amy you turned this chapter to something, well…better! 

Now on to the fic…

Anne walked slowly on the beach; the sound of crushing waves and smell of salty water brought a smile to her face. She closed her eyes and let the wind wash her face with warm tangling breeze. The sun, just about the right height in the sky, bathed her with warm and happy thoughts.

'Happy.' she thought bitterly to herself; when was the last time she felt truly happy? When was the last time she felt the wind brush away her long hair as it danced around her face, strands of hair tingling her lips and nose?

_*A strong arm came behind her and held her possessively, and as she felt the strong presence of him, her body relaxed and leaned against his broad chest. For just a pretend second she was safe again--she was with him once more. It didn't matter that it wasn't her true love, her lost love--what mattered was the fact that for a brief moment she felt normal, alive. No demons, no vampires, and no hell on earth--just the two of them together in the sun. When she turned to look at him she could almost pretend that it was her old love again, almost…_

_'You are thinking about him again, love' he accused, dangerously, deadly; she could almost hear a jealous tone in the faint growl.  She looked into the brown chocolate eyes that now held nothing of the gentle human spark.  No soul possessed them, yet it held something that he always insisted was love for her. Although demons were not capable of love he possessed such enormous power--as the master and ruler of the world--that perhaps, in his own way he loved he. Still, it was a sick and twisted love._

_'I know I will never have him back' she admitted, not really caring if she pissed him off by reminding him of his better half. He shook her slightly, and then lifted her face as their eyes locked--her emerald with his black-brown orbs. His lips suddenly captured hers in a devouring kiss as if trying to erase her memories; she kissed him back, moaning as the sensation traveled down her body driving her crazy. He always did this to her: making her yield to him, despite her strong initial rejection._

_'You are mine, darling! You better remember that. Your pathetic excuse of a love is gone, and he will never come back, never.  I'm all you've got baby!  We have eternity together and nothing you do or say will ever change that. I advise you to stop pretending that I am he; it will only be harder for you, my love. You are my wife now and I will never let you go, I think you know that by now'._

_'Yes' she admitted bitterly as tears slide down her perfect, tanned face._

_'And you can't run from me Buff', he taunted her. 'You know I'll find you, wherever you go. You'll never be able to escape me; nothing will keep you away from me!  Just remember that if, by chance, you do manage to get away from me, I guarantee you that you'll pay dearly for your betrayal!  You'll wish for a quick death that will never come. _

_I will wreak havoc--hell on earth--and each creature on this planet will know my wrath, and at the end I will have you and howl you back to me, where you belong, to be by my side as my mate'._

_She didn't answer him; she knew exactly what he meant.  She could not run away from him physically, or even mentally, for he would always drew her back to the dark of his world.  He would always twist her thoughts and objections into siring desire and passion, unimaginable passion and forgetfulness, always the forgetfulness._

_He kissed her again, more gently this time, and slowly brought her body down on the golden sand as his weight pressed above her. She would never admit it but, as he lay there above her, it felt right, as if she was truly with her mate...and that was her worst fear.  What if Whistler was wrong and Angelus, not Angel, was her true soul mate...what if that was the way it should have been all along?_

_She stopped thinking as she felt him remove her clothes and press his bare skin against hers. He made passionate love to her: loving her pliant form lying underneath him; his hands roaming her perfect body; her vanilla smell making him wild and hot for her.  'Mine!'  He growled to himself, as he possessed all of her right there on the sand, the sound of crushing waves and salty water surrounding them. She closed her eyes hard; the light made it harder to pretend that he was her Angel._

_His silky voice whispered in her ear, cold and threatening, 'Open your eyes lover, I am here, and if I were you I wouldn't dare to pretend--it upsets me' he whispered seductively in her ear._

_He licked her silent tears and heard her moan in agony; she tried to push him away now that the magic was gone, now that she couldn't escape anymore, now that the bad memories have returned._

_'No.'  She tried to deny him, but he ignored her. His strong arms gripped her forcefully as his tongue traveled down her body, tasting every curve of golden skin._

_She closed her eyes again as he forced himself on her, forced her mind to acknowledge his mastery over her, his control, his thrall._

_Soon her cry turned into an agonizing scream as it melted away with the crushing waves._

****

**_Build me up and tear me down_**

**_You love to have a try_**

**_Do whatever the hell you want_**

**_You're not gonna make me cry._**

**_My life is gone There's nothing left_**

**_You sent my friends to die_**

**_You've done things unimaginable_**

**_And I haven't even sighed._**

**_My soul, it is unbreakable You won't get inside_**

**_My will is strong and my temper Is the longest you will find_**__

_Afterwards she just lay there in his arms as he held her possessively, tenderly stroking her hair as if they just made love, as if he had not brutally raped her body and her soul._

****

**_You want to make me mad So I can be one of you,_**

**_But to live forever with no soul I just don't want to do_**

**_It's not a blessing, you stupid fools It's a curse from the depths of hell_**

**_What is life Without grief or love or joy?_**__

_She tried not to think anymore, and to enjoy the warmth of the sun instead. It would soon be lunchtime and then they would probably go to sleep._

_Angelus had taken her to his private beach, trying to give her a semblance of a vacation. Walking in the sun was no longer a problem for him, since he had the gem of Amara, and he had insisted that they share a holiday together. Most of the vacation went pleasantly as Buffy bathed in the sun and occasionally swam.  However, when she had to share her body and soul with Angelus it was entirely different..._

_It wasn't all bad. Angelus was intelligent and knowledgeable--they'd spent hours walking along the beach, watching the sun set as he recited poetry to her.  It all seemed so perfect...until the memories returned. He always knew when her thoughts wandered--her eyes were distant and empty, her body limp. He tried to draw her back from this sadness; sometimes it worked, while at times he just let her be._

**_You say that you're invincible_**

**_But daylight burns instead_**

**_I can live with pain and fear_**

**_It's better than being dead_**_.*_

"Anne!"  Someone was calling her name.

She turned around to face Willow. She smiled at her and received a warm smile in return, the younger girl's red hair shining in the light of the sun. Anne missed the smile of her auburn-haired friend.

"Hi Will, I…um…I was just taking a walk, thinking". She felt as if she needed to apologize, as if Willow read her mind and thus knew of her ambivalent feelings for Angelus. Anne felt shame that she let herself feel free and enjoyable at times with the demon.

**_In a cold unforgiving world, _**

**_alone with fear and weakness, _**

**_oppressed and dying slowly. _**

**_Countless people have been betrayed by life_**

"It's o.k., you don't have to explain yourself to me. How do you feel with all that's been going on here?"

Anne sighed and looked away, deeply mortified that while her best friend Willow was worried about her, she was remembering the passion she shared with her dark lover. 

**_No one is exempt. _**

**_No one is safe. _**

**_So many lives will be taken. _**

**_So many lives been ruined. _**

**_So many live hang is balance. _**

**_So many lives have been lost. _**

**_Betrayed by life._**

"I guess I'm feeling a bit guilty...after all I brought you 'the Voice of Venum', and Angelus is probably on his way here to take me back…" her voice faded as she said those last words.

Willow didn't know what to say, It was Buffy, her Buffy, strong and witty Buffy, hard and stubborn Buffy, always fighting back, always with a smart-ass clever comment to throw around, and yet this girl little resembled the Buffy she knew.

"Don't worry Anne, there's no way we'll let Angelus take you away".

 "I'm sorry", Anne cut her off.

Willow mumbled something and tried to comfort her, "It's o.k. Anne, you don't have to be sorry, you coming here was a good thing, it'll prepare us for what's to come, after all this is our future and…"

"No, I mean… I'm sorry that I turned out to be what I am…" a_ frightened, helpless girl_, she mentally added but did not say aloud.  "I am sorry that the girl you once knew doesn't exist in my world anymore."

**_As survivors we are left to try there tears. _**

**_We are left to mend their wounds. _**

**_We are left to pick up the pieces of those who have been _**

**_betrayed by life._**

"No Buf…Anne, God, no, of course I…we…we just glad that you are here with us and that you are safe now, among friends and family. O.k., I admit it's hard to see how…how much you've changed but I am still your friend, Xander is here for you, Giles and Dawnie, well Spike is Spike and Angel is…"

"No!"  Anne burst out, standing, her green eyes flashing fire, "Angel is not for me anymore! I failed him and I can't face him, never again, I'd rather die!"

For a split second Willow saw the old Buffy, the same reaction she received years ago when Buffy always stood her ground, and it made her smile.

"Are you laughing at me?" Anne accused, hurt.

"No Anne, no, I…you just reminded me of an old friend of mine from high school, a friend that taught me to stand on my own, to believe in myself."

Anne smiled shyly and relaxed, her eyes brightening as a faint smile crossed her beautiful face.

They set silently for an hour--each with her own thoughts.  Finally Willow spoke

"I miss her, you know, sometimes at night I dream about her…us…" she was talking about her beloved Tara as Buffy thought about her lost Angel.

"Me too Will," Anne gave her a sad smile, "I remembered things we did, things that your Buffy will not remember

 *_Mmm, this is a dream. You're human for like a minute and already there is Cookie-dough-fudge-mint-chip in the fridge…Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter…By the way, I'm over the whole needing to be mature thing. That time you just spent in the kitchen? That was enough time apart…A minute? No. No, it's not enough time…How am I supposed to go on with my life knowing what we had? What we could have had…You won't. No one will know but me…It did. It did. I know it did… I felt your heart beat…No! Oh God. It's not enough time…No. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget…*_

"Anne?" Willow looked at her friend cautiously, she seamed miles away distant.

"Sorry" Anne stifled a sob that threatened to escape her throat.

"What things Buffy won't remember? Maybe it's important and she should know about it?"

"No! I…I mean, it's not important, what's important now is how to stop Angelus from destroying yet another world."

"Yes, you're right. Hey, I'm meeting Xander for lunch--do you want to come?"

"No, Thanks, I…I need to sort thins out; there is someone that I need to talk as well."

Willow gave her a warming smile and a hug.

"I'll see you at the magic box tonight, 'k?"

Anne smiled her yes and both girls parted.

As the sun sank into the sea, she walked slowly towards the mansion, knowing that it was time to face her demons--one demon in particular.  She had to see Angel, despite her desire to avoid him.  She had to explain things to him: perhaps they could avoid the nightmarish future. But how would she look him in the eyes after all the things she had done and shared with her dark lover?

TBC?

****


	12. Chapter 12

Thanks for Sonya who beta this for me, you did a great job. Hugs!!!

And as for KittenBug497 thanks for all the great ideas and feedback!!!

A/N someone accused me of stilling this piece from an author called Dawn Summers girl a fic named "Vampire and Slayers", I think… I have to comment about it and say that I never copied my work from ANYONE!!! I worked nights and days picking the songs and betas and if after all the hard work I'm putting some is accusing me of stilling then maybe it's not worth it, it's not worth writing and be accused of that! (Sniffing now…)

On to the fic…

Chapter 12

Anne walked slowly, contemplating her next move.

She had to go see him now. Even if it means losing her sanity in the face of her lover…even if it means going back to the hell she tried to forget. She needed to remember.

She embraced herself as she knocked on the wooden door of the Crawford street mansion.

Connor opened the door. He stood there in a blue faded T-shirt, black jeans and ruffled hair. He looked miserable.

"Hi" he managed to say.

"May I come in?" Ann asked, politely.

"Yah, sure". He welcomed her in and closed the door behind him.

"Um…do you want something to drink? Eat?"

"No, thanks. I actually came to see your father, is he here?"

Connor suddenly looked upset with her but she hadn't a clue why, exactly.

"He's upstairs, do you want me to get him?"

"No, he'll probably be down here in a minute".

There was a brief moment of silent, then.

"So you're from the future?"

"Yes." She sat on the couch indicating him to follow her. "Are you o.k.?"

Connor was surprised that she was so perceptive to what he was suddenly feeling.

She smiled at him, "You get this serious broody look just like your dad does when he's upset."

He laughed and the tension broke. "Yeah, I guess I do. So I guess it is not easy for you ha?"

"Nope" she waved her head. "My other me really hates me. I have no where to stay, my friends' think I'm a slut and the only one who is nice enough to me is the one who should hate me."

"Who?"

"Spike"

"Oh"

"Yes, but it could be worse" she chirped.

"Well, I don't know about that. After you left the magic shop a lot has happened." He saw her lift her brow in curiosity as he continued, "Buffy felt that dad wasn't so supportive of her, defending you and all, they apparently fought and then I burst in on them and well she…um…"

"I know." .

"You…how?"

"The future. Remember me, coming from there? It all happened."

"Wow" he was stunned, "So, this conversation that we are having already happened? You know exactly what I would say?"

She smiled at him, trying not to offend him. "Sort of Connor, but not exactly. You see…in this version of the past, each event that has occurred and the one's that are still to come are changing everything in the future, even the smallest thing will take effect."

He looked confused and she continued, "In my time, Angel came to see me only…I wasn't upstairs looking at my future self, I was downstairs with the gang. He came because Willow invited him over, asking for his help. We had a big fight outside my home about Spike and I, then you came all of the sudden and I freaked and ran away."

"Wow! Um…did you make up? Did you forgive dad?"

She looked at him sadly, almost reaching her hand to touch him, "No, we never met again until….well you know, with Angelus and all".

"Why were you so upset?"

"It's hard to explain exactly Connor, I…I guess that moving on is always hard, especially when the other has moved further then yourself. Your father left me and he got back with the bitch…um…Darla and I felt betrayed." _But not as betrayed as afterwards._"I…can we just skip it or something?"

She pleaded with her eyes asking him to let it go.

"I know" he smiled suddenly.

"Know?" she got curious.

"I know now why dad fell in love with you."

She blushed at his statement and diverted her gaze. "You know Connor, despite your father's past and the way you were brought up you turned up to be a great guy, even in the future."

Now it was his turn to blush.

Someone cleared his throat and they both turned around to see Angel.

Connor stood up and mumbled something about going to the magic shop.

When he closed the door behind him, Angel got closer. He was leaning on the wall not far from her.

"Buff…um…Anne, is something wrong?"

Anne smiled shakily, she couldn't quite distinguish him from Angelus yet, of course there was the smell and attitude but the body screamed the same. Cruel or not, he was her mate and nothing will ever change that.

"I heard you had an argument with Buffy."

He moved his fingers through his hair and her heart skipped a beat. How she wanted to touch that silken hair of his…to feel the soft hairs on her small fingers.

"Is that why you came here?"

"You're upset with me." She stated with knowledge, knowledge he couldn't deny anymore.

"Things are complicated now" he partially admitted.

She laughed bitterly, "Things are far from complicated now Angel, what you have now is heaven on earth. You have no idea what's to come. You think that everything you went through will prepare you for the future?" she put her hands on her hips.

He smirked as he moved from the wall. She was so much like the Buffy he remembered; only the bitter sadness in her eyes reassured him she wasn't the same.

"Well, Anne, if you know what's to come why won't you tell me about it?"

She flinched from his words. She couldn't…she won't. Even if…what would she say?

"I see".

"See what?" she demanded.

"Why did you really come to see me?" he asked, ignoring her question. His chocolate eyes barrowed into her green eyes, hypnotizing her, making her forget everything around her, the past, the future. Everything. It was just the two of them and the world stopped moving then.

"I…" she had to get away from him, from this horrible situation, she thought she could handle it, she thought she'd be strong enough to face him after all this time but she was wrong. Being with him always brought to the surface everything she is or was, everything she's feeling. Somehow Angel always made her self conscious about herself.

Angel watched her body as it prepared to walk out the door, or rather run out the door. He knew her movements so well that it hurt him to think about it. He knew she was about to run and as she made the smallest movement, a movement that the human eye would never notice, he caught her. Being so near to her and smelling himself on her, even if it was Angelus, made him quiver. He felt sad and loved, mad and exited and above all he felt aroused.

She wasn't having a great time either. Being so close to him but at the same time so far…it thrilled her beyond anything she'd expected.

He crushed her to him. His hands removing a strand of hair from her face, his lips barley touching hers, he whispered in her ears that he's sorry…that he loves her.

"Please baby, don't run away from me, I missed you so much! I love you…I can't stop thinking about you…I want to hold you again, make love to you, feel you, smell you, taste you, only you my love. I don't care what you call yourself now. I knew you…I know you! Let me help you again, let me help you fight…Buffy…I need you…"


	13. Chapter 13

Thanks for Sonya who beta this for me, you did a great job. Hugs!!!

And as for KittenBug497 thanks for all the great ideas and feedback!!!

The song: Forgive Me By Evanescence.

Chapter 13

Realization hit her as a singled tear slide down her cheek. They weren't themselves, Angel was thinking about her from five years ago. The current Buffy, not her and she was thinking about Angelus. The Angelus who had ruined her for others…for Angel. From Angelus, she learned to feel with ever fiber in her body, the Angelus Buffy hadn't had a chance to know and now it was clear to her. She doesn't belong in this reality, not anymore, it wasn't her life.

She used all her strength and pushed Angel from her, he looked stunned and hurt.

_Cause you were made for me_

_Somehow I'll make you see_

_How happy you make me_

_I can't live this life_

_Without you by my side_

_I need you to survive_

"It's not me you need" she accused. It came out bitter. Just the way she was feeling but she still hadn't meant for it to be heard.

"Yes, I do. I NEED YOU!"

"No. I don't need you and you don't need me…"

"Oh, so now I'm not good enough? Buffy, are you still waiting for your precious Angelus?" now he was the one who sounded bitter.

She cleaned her cheek, erasing the tear as if it were nothing but an annoyance.

"How dare you? You know nothing about me and Angelus!". She softened as she saw his expression, "I am sorry Angel, I've changed… it isn't up to me anymore".

_Can you forgive me again_

_I don't know what I said_

_But I didn't mean to hurt you_

He looked as if she slapped him, "So help me understand Buffy! Help me understand how you prefer to be with my demon and not with me? How you're missing him, how you want him to fuck you…yes, don't look so stunned, I can smell _him_ on you Buffy, so don't stand there and pretend that you don't want him."

"You are right. I can't say that I don't want him because I do. I need him. I miss him but it's only because…"

_I heard the words come out_

_I felt that I would die_

_It hurts so much to hurt you_

"What?" he snarled, "he's giving you multiple orgasms? He's buying you clothes and jewelry?"

"STOP!" she screamed, "Angel, I refuse to believe that you, of all people, would think that…that you would ever think so little of me because it's…like you don't know me anymore."

_Each time I say something I regret_

_I cry, I don't want to lose you_

_But somehow I know that you will never leave me_

"You are right. I don't know you anymore Buffy" he voice was bitter, disappointment purred from his mouth. She couldn't stand it; she couldn't stand him treating her like this.

"I don't know you anymore Buffy; I am trying hard to understand. I know that Angelus has a way of seducing and getting things his way, but this…it's like you really do need him, more then you ever needed me and…"

"You can't stand it" she said it without bitterness, without any gloating or laughing at his face; she said it with sadness and deep understanding.

"I guess I am more human then people consider me." He sighed.

"There are things you don't know Angel, things that happened between Angelus and I, things…"

"Then tell me, damn it!" he growled. He was so close now. All the bitterness and disappointment that always surrounded them gathered up into a maelstrom of emotions, he couldn't hold back anymore, he wanted her to want him.

Before she had a chance to respond he crushed her mouth with a cruel, possessive kiss, she wanted it but her mind screamed no.

She pushed him away from her in shame as tears fell on her cheeks.

"Don't you dare, Angel."

"Go" he shouted, "go back to your Angelus!" he spat, "Go be his who…"

She slapped him hard, sending him crashing to the wall. He gathered himself amazed to see her green eyes shooting daggers at him, the hatred and anger he saw there frightened him.

"You don't understand Angel. It's not up to me…" her voice was trembling…" we preformed the ceremony…I didn't know what I was getting into…"

He looked frighten even to ask but he had to, "What…What are you talking about Buffy? What ceremony?"

There was a brief silent.

"The 'Nisuyim' ceremony".

"No…" he stumbled and hit the wall, cold fingers gripped his heart as her words took full speed and the meaning hit home "It can't be done, Buffy!" he shook her, holding her shoulder with a bruising force, force which was less worse then the look in his eyes. "Buffy…baby…you didn't…"

_Then you look at me_

_You're not shouting anymore_

_You're silently broken_

_I'd give anything now_

_To kill those words for you_

He held her close to his heart while she sobbed, his heart was breaking.

"I…had no choice Angel…please forgive me, love…forgive me…forgive me…"

_So stay with me_

_You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside_

_That I'm sorry_

_And you forgive me again_

_You're my one true friend_

_And I never meant to hurt you_

He rocked her as she cried and cried, soothing her and saying words of comfort.

"Everything will be all right baby, I promise." He kissed her forehead and carried her to the couch and laid her down.

He knew now what he would need to do for her and it broke his heart all over gain. He couldn't do that to her, never. Right?

_And you forgive me again_

To be continued…???


	14. Chapter 14

War Chapter 14

A/N: Songs: Why Can't We Be Friends by Smash Mouth

William by Divit

To fan fiction net readers who wanted to new URL for "Enchanting place" (where you can find my very NC –17 fics):

I would like to thank all of you who sent me feedback it means a lot to me.

Special thanks to MysticWolf1 who gave me great feedback (Still waiting for your e- mail address:) and at times criticism (still good;).

I hope you'll enjoy this.

This chapter I am dedicating to Christine ("World Enough And Time") I always

enjoy your fics and your Angelus is truly unique.

_**I know that the feelings between Angel and Spike are complicated and I strongly believe that it's more then what Joss showed us; it's not just Spike and Angel disliking each other, there are secrets and taboos and a lot of other stuff that a show that isn't NC- 17/21 can't show, of course. It will look simple but it's not! **_

_**It is not always black and white, there are lot's of gray areas when it comes to them, for me anyway and if you are saying that Spike is just evil and he hates Angel and vise versa then "News Flash" for you! You are not seeing the big picture here; Vampires here, I think that what BTVS and Ats proved to us during the years is how we really don't know much about vampires (from the btvs and ats universe), it showed us that there are so many levels of understanding and knowledge that we can write talk and read about it and it will never be enough, it's enigma all of this vampire relationship and I am not talking about the PWP slush, I am talking about the nature of vampires. Think about it…**_

**_You are welcome to write to me about it and share your thoughts with me!_**

This chapter starts with angst but it gets better...

Thank you so much Lena who beta this for me, you are doing a great job, I really appreciate your remarks, feedback and hard work you are putting in order for me to post this so others can enjoy it as well, so bunch of thanks Lena!!!

-Eve

Chapter 14

"Where the hell is she Nancy boy?" Spike was shouting now, ready to punch Angel

if he didn't get any answers.

Angel sighed, exasperated. Spike was the last thing he needed right now. He

glanced at the sleeping Anne on the couch. From time to time she moaned softly

and twisted the blanket around her, calling Angelus name, but now she was

finally sleeping.

Spike glanced over where Angel was looking and started towards her sleeping

form.

"Don't," Angel growled. "She's finally asleep. Let's go outside and I'll explain

everything to you."

Spike reluctantly agreed. He knew something was off. He sensed Angel's emotions;

fear, anger, pain and it was starting to affect him as well.

Once they were sitting far away enough so no one could hear, Angel briefed him

shortly about what happened before, leaving out the issue of the ceremony.

"You are not telling me something, peaches." Spike accused and Angel couldn't

help a smirk. His childe knew him well.

"Look, if I tell you you'll probably won't believe me and...there's nothing we

can do about it now."

"Just tell me, damn it!"

"Fine, you want to know, I'll tell you, it's not like she can keep it a secret

forever." After a small pause he spoke again, "She performed the 'Nisuyim'

ceremony with Angelus."

"What?! Are you insane? No way in hell I'll believe that mate, she would never

do a thing like that, the slayer ain't stupid. She would never agree to that!

It's worse then being turned, worse then going to hell, worse--"

"I got it so shut the fuck up!"

"Besides, it can't be done, can it?"

"It is done!"

"How can you be so sure Angel, it's not like you ever did it before, right? Does

it make you sad that you weren't the one to do it? You do know that it will work

only on the two of them, excluding you."

"I know that," he snapped. "And believe me, I wish I could do something to help

her, but I can't, no one can."

"Well...there is a way..."

Angel was on him in seconds, his face mere inches from Spike's, "Don't you ever

dare to say those words! I will never do that and if I were you, boy, I would be

very careful with my language."

Spike pulled himself from Angel, pissed off. Snarling, he snapped, "Like I would

do that to her either! I love her, I would never do that to her!"

The furious glint in Spike's eyes told Angel he was speaking the truth. He

sighed and ruffled his fingers through his hair.

Spike rolled his eyes at the gesture and sat next to him.

"You still haven't told me how you know it's true--that they actually performed

the ceremony."

"After she calmed down and relaxed I saw it."

"It?"

"The sign Spike, the sign. I could never mistake that sign for anything else. It

was the sign of the ceremony, but what frightens me most is the fact that

Angelus was stupid enough to perform it on a human--yes I know that she's not

exactly human--but still she's not a vampire and this ceremony...was meant for

vampires alone.

Not only that but master vampires, even if he turned her she would still lack

the strength of a master vampire."

"I forgot about that. Bloody HELL!" he threw his cigarette on the ground and his

eyes turned yellow as he glared at Angel.

"There is another way…relax mate, it won't hurt her but it will piss Angelus

off, I believe."

Angel lifted his brows, his concern mixed with curiosity.

"There is this guy, Zman, he can perhaps change things."

"I've heard about him, Spike. He's very dangerous. I wouldn't deal with him, he

is not human and no one knows exactly what he is."

"I know that, mate, but he is the only one to help us. I just need to remember

how to contact him."

"You know what? You're right. Since you are upsetting most everyone here,

besides Anne, you should go check around and look for him, hopefully before my

evil self comes back to reclaim what's his."

Spike nodded his head and turned to leave when Angel called out to him, 'Be

careful, my boy, come back soon,' he thought, but only said, "Stay out of

trouble."

Spike couldn't help a smirk, he knew exactly what Angel was thinking, he thought

the same about him.

"Poofter," he mumbled, not seeing the small smile on Angel lips.

Angel watched him walk away and something faltered in his heart. He could never

tell it to anyone, no one would ever know. He would not know how to explain

what a sire feels for his childe, but Spike knew.

"…_Your magnetizing colors are starting to fade_

_And you look as if you're tired from all the stars you've chased_

_You've become attracted to a well-disguised escape_

_Driving without headlights down a crowded interstate _

_William please come home _

_It hurts too much to see you go_

_William please just stop_

_You don't have to do this anymore you know?_

William please come home…" 

When Angel disappeared in the huge mansion Spike turned with a smirk to the

bushes, pulling someone out of them.

The brunette guy looked frightened and stunned until he realized that Spike had

a soul, he wouldn't hurt him.

"Well, fancy seeing you here, butt-monkey," Spike smirked, still holding the

trembling boy.

"Youuu-can't hurt me-you have a soul now."

He dropped him carelessly to the ground, "Oops, must be my soul doing."

Xander got up on his legs, quickly, "Where are you going?" he demanded of Spike.

Spike turned from him, not bothering to answer until Xander called behind him,

"I'll tell Buffy about this-this ceremony, I'll warn her and-" before he could

finish the sentence Spike was on him. In seconds he was suffocating him,

watching slowly how Xander's life blood was leaving his face white, turning him

paler until he finally dropped him, coughing hard.

Xander looked at him, surprised. Spike knew what he was most likely thinking;

Xander thought that Spike would act like Angel always did: annoyed like hell by

Xander but never laying a finger on him. But Spike was different, he would

never be like Angel, or Angelus. He was always different, having a soul didn't

change him THAT much compared to chip-Spike. Having someone putting a chip in

your brain does that to you. If he wanted to, he could have strangled Xander to

death. What drove Spike was his passions; passion to hate, love, or kill, which

never changed, soul or not.

But he knew Xander, knew him well enough to handle him. Xander cared about Buffy

and all of his actions in the past had been committed because he cared about

her. He loved her and wanted her to be safe, and that's why, at this particular

moment, Spike, aka William the Bloody, helped the trembling boy to his feet.

"I know you care for her," Spike stated the obvious.

"I do, that's why I need to tell her."

"Yes? And what would you say exactly; 'listen, Buffy, your future self performed

some mojo-ceremony which I know absolutely nothing about, I do not know the

effects it will have on you, or how you are connected to Angelus-' "

"Shut up, will you?!' Xander snapped at him, but Spike only smirked. "Of course

if you present it like that then yes, it looks stupid. But I don't trust the

two of you. I don't know what you're up to and I am sure it's not good!" he

accused pointing his finger at Spike.

"Well, mate, why don't you come along to where I'm going so you can see for

yourself what I'm doing?"

Spike's words threw him off; he couldn't say no now, could he? Not after the

long speech he had just given about trust and all, but spending God knows how

long with a vampire?

"No thanks, I had enough of you and I still don't trust you."

"Fine then, I guess you'll never know what it is that this ceremony is all

about, and what I'm looking for."

Xander paused to think about it. He had always wanted to prove to Buffy and the

rest of the Scoobies that he could be useful too, that he could become a hero,

someone people would talk about for generations to come. Besides, he reasoned,

he was curious as hell about this ceremony, and deep down in his heart he

trusted Spike, (of course he would never admit it loud enough for anyone to

hear, but he did).

"OK, Dead Boy Junior, let's take a road trip," Xander smiled and put a hand on

Spike.

Spike sighed and turned from him.

"You are not touching the bloody music in the car, and no Britney Spears-don't

look at me like that, mate. I heard you moan at night."

Xander blushed deeply as Spike shivered and followed him as he heard Spike start

singing.

"I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya 'round for a long long time

I really, I really, I really remember when you drank my wine

Why can't we be friends."

"Why is it this always happens to me," Xander sighed.

"…_I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya walkin' down to China Town_

_I called ya, I called ya, I called ya _

_But you did not look around (yeah yeah)_

_I paid my I paid my I paid my money to the welfare line_

_I seen ya, I seen ya, I seen ya standing in it everytime_

_Why can't we be friends _

_The color, the color, the color_

_Of your skin don't matter to me_

_As long as, as long as, as long as_

_We can live in Harmony(yeah yeah)_

_I kinda, I kinda, I kinda_

_Like to be the president_

_Then I could, then I could, then I could_

_Show you how your money's spent_

_Why can't we be friends_

_Sometimes I don't speak right_

_But did i know what I was talking about_

_I know you're workin for the C.I.A._

_They wouldn't have you in the mafia_

_Why can't we be friends …"_


End file.
